Look, 2016 was a year of testing my faith, patience and overall gangsta ability. Seriously, 2016 was a rough year for me and my spouse. Situations got so bad that there were days, weeks, and months that I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was pleading with God to remove these trials to bring the joy back to my life and marriage. I am determined to achieve more joy in my life and marriage in 2017 by any means necessary.
Life is made of small incidents. Each incident builds on the other one, if you allow it. As things got sketchy for me, I wasn’t clear on how to isolate the “hiccups” from everything else. So my days became very long. The “hiccups” became never-ending. So my joy was depleting incident by incident. Life and marriage was out of control. Out of my control. I was just functioning. I truly understand the statement “a functioning alcoholic” now (no I am not an alcoholic. I just used this as an example).
When things got rough, I learned how to adapt and “fake” happiness and joy. That was the wrong thing to do. See, when I “went along” I was allowing incidents to detect how I should feel, how to act, and what to do (or not do) even if it wasn’t making me happy.
Basically, I lost me in the shuffle of day to day living. I was so busy making sure not to cause anymore ripples that I silenced ME and my happiness to make others around me happy.
WRONG! Wrong on so many levels. I suffered. My happiness brought unhappiness into the house and definitely into my marriage. We began to argue more than normal. I began to just isolate myself in my house, specifically my bedroom. Depression set in.
I had to get a handle on what’s causing me to be unhappy, stressed, and just overall sad. My life (mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually) depended on me getting me back to ME and having more joy in my life and marriage.
It all starts with ME acknowledging that I needed something’s to change for me to achieve the joy I want and deserve.
3 Things I’m Changing in 2017
1. Saying No more but starting with one thing I need to say no to IMMEDIATELY. The way 2016 left me tired, stressed and just plain ole broken, I’m reevaluating the things and people that robbed my life and marriage of peace and happiness. I’m removing unhealthy relationships from my life that are causing me to be unavailable mentally, physically, emotionally and/or spiritually for myself and my spouse.
What really would happen if you started removing toxic relationships (food, people, places, and/or things) from your life?
2. Choosing one thing I need and want and making it a priority for self-care. I am guilty of neglecting me in 2016 (See #1). I lost weight (good thing, right?) but I also lost my hair due to stress and neglecting me to make sure I was available when others needed me. I vow to get back to loving ME. I’m reviewing the activities that bring me joy and focusing on those I enjoy doing alone. It’s truly time to start saying YES to me and the actions that enhances my life and the atmosphere around me.
What is that one thing you need for you to take care of your psyche?
3. Building and Involving a Support Team. I am a loner but love people. Go figure! I promise to bring into my life those that love and support me unconditionally. Instead of retreating into my little corner, I promise to ask for help and let others know how I’m feeling and what I need from them to assist me in keeping joy and happiness in my life. Life is short. I promise to start greeting each day with a fresh slate and a thankful mindset, but to be able to do that I need to allow others to help and support me.
Do you have a support team that you are allowing to support you?
One thing I realized about my actions in 2016, they were more reactive instead of proactive. I allowed my circumstances to control my actions and words, so of course, this cannot and will not continue to happen in 2017. To protect my sanity, happiness, joy and my marriage, I must and I will implement these changes.
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Learn from me don’t allow your life to just happen. Take control over your actions, words, and space. Live your life. Enjoy your life. Protect your life.
What changes do you need to make to achieve [more] joy in your life and marriage?