We can learn from everyone but we can learn more from those who have or are walking the walk we are. The divorce rate is on a steady rise today & the after thought from the divorcees are the same: If I had just done things different.
They sing the shoulda, coulda, whouldas but its to late because they have signed on the dotted line & the marriage they knew is now a statistic.
This is why we do what we do: to keep the divorce rate low & to help couples understand the importance of dating, talking, sharing & connecting. Yes there are some things we don’t know as husbands & wives…that is why the OJT (on the job training) is so important. Marriage is a dance. You guys are creating your own dance steps. You must practice, learn, talk, create, and put in work to learn the steps that allow you to dance in harmony with your spouse.
I recently read an article from a divorce man, Beautiful advice from a divorced man. The article is so poignant that is says everything that married couples should know & should do.
You must put in the work. You must do what you did to gain your spouse heart before marriage during marriage. Don’t stop! Perservere & you will get the rewards from your marriage that you desire because you are sowing positively & will reap positively.
My spin on the advice from a divorced man
1. Keep dating your spouse
2. Guard your heart from outside entrance
3. Never stop loving & growing in love
4. Love the good in your spouse. Don’t focus on the weaknesses.
5. Love your spouse for who they are. You can only change YOU so love your spouse for who they are.
6. Only you can give yourself true happiness. Your spouse is there to accentuate your self happiness not be “total” responsible for YOUR happiness.
7. Be accountable & responsible for your actions & reactions. You are in control of what you do and/or say
8. Space is necessary. Don’t smoother your spouse. Give them the space to grow, be happy, be sad, & even be angry.
9. Enjoy every moment together! Laugh, smile & laugh some more
10. Make love deposits into your spouse life daily
11. Quality time is a must but make sure you are present during those times. Give your spouse your undivided attention. Shut off all distractions.
12. Be willing to take your spouse sexually
13. Be flexible. Your spouse is human & is subject to err
14. Allow your spouse the opportunity without backlash to spend time alone with self or with friends. This will only help them but also your marriage.
15. Be open, honest & transparent at all times about everything
16. Life will make you change. Your spouse will change. Embrace the changes & grow together.
17. Stop chasing the $. Put that extra energy into your marriage.
18. Forgiveness without bitterness is a must to make sure the action don’t cause additional damage to your marriage.
19. Loving your spouse is a choice. Choose to love them daily.
My addition to this list:
20. Commitment, Consistency, and Connection everyday is a must. You must commit to being an positive active participant in the marriage, you must be consistent in showing your love and connect on every level with your spouse.
Don’t think that just because someone is divorced that they do not have life lessons for those of us that are married. We can definitely learn from what they did or did not do. Because one thing is for sure: WE DO NOT WANT TO BE WHERE THEY ARE NOW!
Take a moment & read the full article.