Conflict, conflict, conflict….marriages will have conflicts. Even when the couple that has the best intentions will have a disagreement every now and again. There will be times when you and your spouse do not see eye to eye. But what do you do when those disagreements turn into full fledged screaming & yelling matches?
It may be difficult for you to stay calm while your spouse is yelling and screaming at you; however, remember your marriage/love is not the object of your spouse anger. Instead its an action/words you said that is the reason for the anger.
So how do you not retaliate against the emotions your spouse is displaying?
We suggest that you bring the H.E.A.T. Yes, bring the HEAT to the situation.
Hear them out
Empathize
Apologize
Take action
Conflict Resolution using HEAT:
Help Me Understand-Allow your spouse to say all they need to. Tell your spouse to help you understand what the cause of their discontent or anger is. This will give you guys a “true opportunity” to really find a solution to the problem and to get a clear understanding of what your spouse is thinking.
Empathize-Showing empathy will diffuse a difficult situation. To understand why they are upset you must listen to the “true” basics of your spouse words to understand exactly what is bothering them. Restate what you heard your spouse say using adjectives to describe their feelings (angry, frustrated, disappointed).
I hear that you are _________________________________
It’s clear to me that you are __________________________
Acknowledge & Apologize– Genuinely apologize for the action that caused your spouse harm. If it offended your spouse, then you should apologize. Apologizing doesn’t admit guilt but what it does is for you to acknowledge your spouse feelings based on your actions. Don’t make excuses; as an alternative take ownership!
Take action– Don’t continue to go round and round as to why you said this or that or did what you did. Offer a remedy for the problem. Express to your spouse the steps you will take to make sure you don’t offend them in the future. When you communicate what you will, make sure you DO IT!
Conflicts don’t have to disrupt your day, your week, or your marriage. Learn proper conflict resolutions and use them in your marriage.
Do you think you will use HEAT to diffuse the next conflict that arises in your marriage?
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