When we get married we take on a new title: husband or wife. Oh when we have kids we add a title to us: mom or dad. In life we will take on several titles. Some will be short term but some will be with us until the day we die. So it is easy to lose who we really are within all the titles we carry. So who really are you?
Now we all know that marriage is about becoming one but that one is comprised of two people with two personalities. Don’t lose your personality or voice or passion. If you do that, you are depriving your spouse & your kids all of you.
As many of you know, we are empty nesters; however, the title I have carried for the last 24 years was “MOM” and the last 15 years “Wife.”
I am so struggling with transitioning from the Mom of dependent kids to a mom of independent kids. You know as women, wives, and mothers we are dedicated to our titles/roles. We put so much of ourselves into our families that sometimes we forget to take care of self & do for self ONLY.
I am constantly finding myself butting in asking about what my kids need from me & doing stuff that they can do for themselves. When I can’t do stuff for them or my hubby, I feel lost. Just recently someone asked me when was the last time I went on vacation with SELF……Oh you know I gave her a serious side eye. So let me ask you “When was the last time you went on vacation with SELF?”
When we take on the roles: husband, wife, mom, or dad, we make an unconscious decision to put “our” life on hold to be fully committed to the current role we are in. We do this only because we love our spouse and kids. We want to make sure that their needs and desires are met; however, when we put ourselves on the back burner, our “personal” needs and desires are neglected by us.
This is something I know take time to get ok with and not feel like you are neglecting your family. Hey, I’m there with you but I also know not taking care of me & nurturing me is only hurting my family.
So I’ve taken up different ways to keep me in my marriage, in my family & in my life. And I invite you to do the same……
5 Ways not to lose self in your marriage
1. Keep your hobbies
Don’t let go of what you enjoy doing. If you have a hobby makes time to participate in your hobby. It is quite alright to have a hobby that your spouse doesn’t like to share with you. Use that time as ME time and reconnect with self.
Make sure you are sharing with your spouse how you are feeling and what you would like to do. Share your goals and aspirations with them.
3. Be YOU
In marriage, some wives (and sometimes husbands) adapt their likes and dislikes to coincide with what their spouse like and dislike. Make sure you stay true to who you are! It is okay to compromise but don’t say you like Peanut Butter just because your spouse likes peanut butter.
4. Spend time with your friends
Don’t neglect the time spent with friends. We need the interaction from our girl friends (wives) or guy friends (husbands). Have a standard girls or guys night out with your friends.
Spend time alone with your thoughts. Have that quiet time that you are not “on duty” just to relax, relate, and release! This should happen daily but if you can’t find time daily, schedule this mediation time weekly! It is a must….
It is so important that we nurture our physical, spiritual and emotional needs. Think of your needs as watering a flower: if you don’t water your flower it would evidently wither and die. Flowers need attention and nutrition. So do YOU!
Remember your spouse married you because of your personality, voice, and passion so don’t quiet them instead nurture them & adapt them to your role as a husband, wife, mom or dad!
How do you keep YOU in your marriage?