Love Series: Design Love to Date Your Spouse is touching on the subject of “Is Love a Learned Behavior?” Today Caroll Atkins from LoveDesignLife and I are discussing how we love based on the behavior seen. Please read and share your thoughts on is Love a Learned behavior.
The climate determines your atmosphere. The atmosphere influences your decision ~ Bishop Ed Stephens
StillDatingMySpouse: Your appreciation and understanding of love is imbedded in you from the first interaction you have beginning at birth. Your environment and family dynamic will play an enormous role in how you relate to love. You are influenced by the relationships created around you and with you as a kid. Whether these relationships are positive or negative, you will carry some aspects of them into your adulthood because love is a learned behavior. These influences will play heavily on how you love self and love others.
As individuals, your belief system, your way of doing things, and your way of thinking will show up in how you love yourself and others. Your thoughts regulate your actions and reactions and they will shape and reshape your view on love. As half of a couple, your upbringing concerning love plays an important part in how you will love your spouse. Your mind controls how you receive and perceive love. You must modify how you view love and being loved in order to experience the true “positive” power of love in your relationships and with how you love yourself.
Consciously and unconsciously in marriage, you love based on past experiences. Remember love is learned from the interactions we have “had”; however, you have the power to change who you are and how you love. To make this change, you must acknowledge that how you love is not producing the results you want for yourself and your marriage. As a couple, every action and word you speak is a reflection of your love for your spouse. Change you, change your way of thinking and watch how things in your marriage changes.
LoveDesignLife: Still Dating My Spouse (SDMS) has made it clear. Changing your mindset if it is not in agreement that acts of love and sacrifice is important to a loving and fulfilling relationship is critical. But how do you do that when all you know and have is behavior that is not conducive to achieving and sustaining a compatible and fulfilling relationship? What if you don’t know where to start? What if you have no innate memories of this? You didn’t grow up seeing this or maybe you had weak examples that didn’t quite make it clear for you, so you just gave up.
This is usually the case for many. Often times when someone is lost as to how changes are made, is because they have lived so long with the notions they are currently possessing. It could have been behavior they saw from childhood. Or it could be that they were never taught exactly how to love and they lack the patience or faith and hope in love. Everyone feels and has love inside of them, but showing love is a learned behavior. Being able to let that out in a constructive way that promotes more love to you is where the disconnection typically happens. It is fair to say that, acts of love and sacrifice is greatly missing in their memory bank. Even more so, one may not even understand how the act of showing love is a powerful tool in successful relationships especially the ones that start with self first.
As we said in yesterday’s intro, before you may proceed to any type of relationship outside yourself, you must first love your self. Loving self, respecting self and accepting self may sound simple, but it is not. Someone has to show you how this is done. So what if no one has done this, well all is not lost. You can do this! Spend time with yourself and get to know who you are. What is special about you? Don’t compare yourself to anyone in this exercise. Focus on the things you simply like about yourself. Things you do well, the fact that you may be quite kind and giving. Your silly laugh, your sense of humor, your willingness to jump right in and make someone feel comfortable. Fall in love with yourself! Acknowledge that you may have a heart that longs to engage others and trust and know this is love and yes you can and should let that show. Trust yourself, believe in yourself and know that once you can do that and you can believe in yourself, you will be ready and willing to do that for others. Wanting them to feel the joy you feel in your self-love, will promote constant thoughts on how important it is for you to do that for others and this is the beginning of getting that loving relationship you so richly deserve.
Caroll Atkins author of the “lovestyle” blog LoveDesignLife and Pamela King, co-author of the blog Still Dating My Spouse, have come together to pose deep, thought provoking topics to help you uncover areas in your life that may need attention in order to help free you mentally and emotionally so you can be available to experience that love you so deserve. Please take a visit over to LoveDesignLife to get more info on how to Design Love to Date Spouse from the single person point of view.