Image courtesy of Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Congratulations on the new baby! Now you have a new addition to the family, how will you and your spouse have a date or spend quality time together?
Right now, you are not thinking about getting sexy, putting on clothes or leaving the house. Your days & nights are just a struggle to get sleep! You time is full with pampers, formula, and bottles. But even with all that, you guys still need to stay connected and in tune with each other.
Dating and connecting as a couple after having a baby takes some true adjustment and dedication on both parents part. It’s important not to let this slip away. Yes, yes I know how can I even suggest dating & you have a newborn [or kids]? Well, you know me “I will help you date your spouse.”
First and foremost, the most important thing you guys need to do is offer support for each other so that date night can happen. The worst thing you could possible do is try to get your spouse to date ya and they are exhausted. It just will not happen.
How to support each other
Schedule: Try to keep in mind that now with a baby, your days doesn’t belong to you. Your schedule is pretty much decided by the child (unless you have your baby on a [semi] feeing and napping schedule). Try to utilize the sleeping time of the baby for your sleep but also to connect with your spouse. Even if it’s just to talk, hold hands, or eat a meal together.
Communication: Keep the lines of communication open. Men and women go through a range of emotions after a child is added to the family. Be patient and ask questions and get clarity on what is being said. Understand that emotions will be high and sometimes uncontrollable, so provide the needed support to your spouse.
Sex: Hey sex is not out the picture now that you have a newborn [kids]. Don’t neglect this physical aspect of your relationship because of having a baby [kids] now. Talk about how you feel about sex and work to satisfy each others needs. Be patient with each other because children will change some appetite for sex.
Pitch in: The chores around the house will have to be shared until everyone has adapted to the new baby. Don’t expect your wife to be able to initial to handle all of the tasks she did before the baby. Its ok to ok for you to pitch in and its ok if the clothes are not folded right away, etc. If if you have bigger kids, pitch in with some of the household and kids tasks. If you work as a team, no one will be overly exhausted.
Patience: It goes without saying, with or without a baby, you should display a high level of patience & support for your spouse.
How to continue dating your spouse with a newborn [kids]
- Babysitter: Get a friend or a trusted teenager to babysit for you. They can babysit even if you guys decide to stay at the house for a date. The reason for the babysitter is to relieve you of having to take care of the baby for a couple of hours. Care.com is good for locating reliable professional babysitters.
- Home dates: For the first couple of weeks, your dates may be at home. If you decide to stay at home, make sure to have your date outside your bedroom. Remember mom, may have been in the bed all day nursing the baby or just tired and staying in bed. So change her scenery to another room. Dress up for this date. You don’t have to wear your tuxedo and formal gown, but dress, including make-up, like you are going on a date outside the home.
Home date ideas:
Movie night– watch your favorite movies. Go to the dollar store & purchase all the $1 movie candy you guys like, pop some popcorn and have other finger food for your date. Oh don’t forget your favorite cold beverage.
Candle light dinner-hire a chef to come in and cook dinner for your date. This chef could be a good family friend/family member. Tell them what your wife favorite meal is & have them cook it for you guys and serve it.
Game night-Play your favorite board game.
3. Out the house dates: This may be hard for a new mom to leave her baby at home but if you can get her to leave home don’t keep her out long. If you are a new mom, it is ok to leave your baby at home with a trusted babysitter to spend some time with your spouse.
Date ideas (outside the home):
Restaurant: Enjoy a lunch or dinner….Call ahead of time and reserve your table. This will cut down on your wait time. Go to your favorite location. With this being your first date since the baby, don’t venture to a place unknown. We want you to enjoy our time away from the baby.
Mall: Go to the mall & window shop. This date is all about talking and laughing. BUT: YOU CANNOT BUY ANYTHING FOR THE CHILD!
Airport: Grab some to go food and go to the airport & watch the airplanes take off and land. Fantasy about where you would like to go. Or even talk about where you think the planes are coming in from.
4. Spa: Turn your bathroom into a spa. Remember you hired a babysitter (see #1). Take a bubble bath together. Light some candles. Put on some soft music. Place a dinner tray beside the tub with wine glasses and your favorite bottle drink. Sip, unwind, and enjoy each other company.
This is a really exciting time in your marriage, if it’s your first child or 10th child, the family dynamics have changed; however, being husband and wife have not. Don’t lose each other in the shuffle of being parents. Be deliberate in your quest to connect and date. Remember the purpose of dating your spouse is: a chance for you and your spouse to reconnect emotionally, to talk about “self” and support each other without any interpretations from daily life requirements. These few hours are so crucial to the health of your marriage don’t neglect it.
Bonus Tip: These steps and dedication must be taken regardless the age of your children. It does get easier to date as the kids get older. Set the routine now!
For more ideas of Date Night Ideas click here for Cost Effective Date Night Ideas!
What date do you have planned with your spouse this weekend?
Kungphoo says
I do have to say it took a little bit to go out alone without the kids. but as they get older, its so much easier..
Elizabeth Ferree says
I was one of those that did NOT date her spouse once we began having kids, not unless I brought the kids along. I love this article, dating should not quit just because a baby is in the picture, it took me too many years to discover that. Pinned this post.
Heather says
Our problem was being able to afford a babysitter. We couldn’t afford the $20 an hour rate. So that’s like a hundred bucks just for a date night. Plus my mother in law doesn’t drive at night and doesn’t want the kids at her place, so finding a free babysitter was always a problem. My best advice for that, so you can at least go out and grab ice cream somewhere is to exchange services. Find another mom in the same situation and trade off date nights! We totally should have thought about that earlier but I didn’t know any other moms until my second child was 8 months old. It was a killer on our marriage for sure! But thankfully we are slowly getting those days back, and we are lucky to have more expendable income now to be able to afford a nice sit down restaurant to go to every once in awhile.
Becky Lyons Borgia says
These are some great tips. My husband and I really need to do more of this!
Diane says
Great tips. Thankfully I am married but we do need to “date” more.
Jenn says
My friend and I trade off. I will watch her kids while she goes on a date with her hubby and then the next weekend she will watch mine. Its nice because its FREE and its someone I really trust!
brett says
ha. no dates this weekend. we will be in different directions all weekend long. BUT next weekend we have a sitter coming!!
Ashley M says
Growing up the men in my family brought home the bacon and the women were house keepers. This changed with my generation. Not only do I work at home, I also go to school full time. My husband works full time too and we have a daughter. Sharing the household responsibilities has become essential to a happy household.
Jennifer B says
These are great tips for keeping the love going even after kids!
Heather Lawrence says
4 kids in and we still have date night!
We also schedule a weekend away on our anniversary just the two of us to make sure we stay connected. Those kids aren’t going to be living at home forever!!
Anita Breeze says
I agree it is really important to spend time with your spouse even if you have to schedule it. We love our babies but they can suck the life out of a marriage if you don’t take time to nurture that too.
mel says
I am going to be better at communication. Scheduling dates is so important!
Debra Fazio-Rutt says
All great tips. It’s so important to make time for each other after baby and for a husband/partner to be sensitive to a new mom’s needs!
Tina Ashburn says
What a great post!! It’s wonderful that parents are now willing to discuss these things (something we would probably have not done 28 years ago when my daughter was born).
Virginia @thatbaldchick says
I have some friends that would really appreciate this!
Pam says
These are great ideas. It can be hard to date your spouse after kids, but I’ve found that it isn’t impossible. Thanks for sharing this post!
Angela says
We did a lot of movie nights at home when my son was little. I wish we had made more of an effort to go out once in a while.
Debbie Denny says
Just so you know, Grandparents can have date night also. Although it brings out huge giggle fits when grandkids hear you talk about it!
Joanna Sormunen says
I like the home date ideas. It sounds like fun for a tired person, lol. And you’re right patience and communication are the key.
Cynthia L says
Really great ideas. My partner and I didn’t date much when my daughter was little. I regret that now. We are picking things up now though.
Jennifer Clay says
So true!! It took my husband and I to figure this out. Now with three kids I think we have our schedule down pat!
GossipMoms says
These are some really awsome tips, It’s been awhile since my Husband & I had a date, We really need some time off
Shannah @ Just Us Four says
Dating your spouse is so important…especially after you have kids…to make sure that you stay connected.
Cyndi says
Great ideas! Having kids makes dating so much more important. Couples need that special time together to reconnect even if it’s just a brief amount of time.
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says
I think it’s critically important to a marriage to schedule time together, both inside and outside the house. This is a great post!
Stefani says
These are some great tips. I wish I had more time for date night with the hubby.
Mama to 5 BLessings says
I so do not look forward to this day! My oldest is 8 – we have 5 children. I believe in courting. My kids will have chaperoned dates.
Eliz@positivekismet says
Scheduling a date night and adding variety is definitely important. It can be tough too; especially in the early weeks of the new baby in the home. I remember having to drag ourselves out after a sleepless night of baby colds and colic.
Elizabeth
Amanda Love says
I’ll have to store this away for things to know if I ever divorce and need to start dating again. Hopefully it won’t happen but you just never know. 🙂
Pauline C. says
I love the graphic! Yes dating is still important no matter how many children you have. I love these ideas: dinner date, movie night or a window shopping 😉
G.s. Marjara says
Hey do you know next year we will have our 25th anniversary and you know what, while making arrangements to celebrate it in Dubai my wife booked for three> third is our grown up, about to be a doctor daughter, our only child. Think both you and she have same thinking about dating with children, even when they are grown.
Francine @ Teresa's Family Cleaning says
I will have to to pass this on to my friend who are doing this right now! Thanks for the tips!
Bibi @ Bibi's Culinary Journey says
Great tips & ideas! Dating is so important. My hubby is gone 3 months at the time so getting out on multiple dates when he’s home is so much more important for us. Luckily our oldest is old enough to watch his brother anytime we need 🙂
Elizabeth @ Food Ramblings says
great post– sharing with my friend who has little ones at home and is starting to date again!
Wood Arts Universe says
Oh my goodness!! THANK YOU!!!! And thank you for putting together the dating list.. We just got started last night, but we didn’t do a good job of picking a specific one… but we still had INTENTIONAL time together where we laughed, talked, joked, ,even watched a little tv and Star gazing –There’s an app for that.,we had a lot of good conversation.
katherine says
Wow, I have never had a date with my husband since our daughter was about 2 months old. She is now going on 7 years.
Danielle @ We Have It All says
These are all really great ideas… it is a MUST to keep things in the relationship fresh and from fall into a rut.
jamie says
These are so great ideas, we have a 3 and 5 year old and try to date as much as we can!
Lisa Dunham Trudell says
We do not have any small children. However, these are great ideas for a variety of dates. We all need reminders of some of the simple things it takes to reconnect.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Bibi,
Isn’t it great when you have a built in babysitter LOL
Still Dating My Spouse says
Amanda,
Its not for when you get divorce. Date your spouse so that you don’t have to divorce. All these date ideas and suggestions are for those that are married to keep dating their spouse.
Still Dating My Spouse says
It is pretty hard when the baby is young but you can have dates at home while the baby is sleep (well gets pass the colic).
Still Dating My Spouse says
LOL Mama to 5, these are ideas for you and your spouse to date. LOL but good idea to chaperone your kids dates.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Stefani,
You have to find the time. Make it happen. Schedule it!
Still Dating My Spouse says
Congrats! I love to hear that
Still Dating My Spouse says
LOL Debbie I definitely know grandparents can date…I’m a grandparent I we love dating each other.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Virginia,
Please share this with them…..thanks
Wilma Jones says
Hi – I am checking out your blog as we are on the same SITS blog team. I like what your doing over here supporting marriage. Good to virtually meet you! http://www.LivingHappierAfter.com
Shauna S says
Oh this is a wonderful post! My hubby and I finally got two date nights when my mom visited. we were so excited to go to the movie theater. lol.
Saying hello from Sits Tribe.
Jennifer Wagner says
Those are all great suggestions. Sometimes we forget about romance and we should make date nights to remind ourselves.
Rhonda says
These are some awesome tips! I love the one about having a chef come in and prepare a candlelight dinner. Thanks for sharing.