Marriage is never easy and add on to it an already made family, it can prove to be a challenge. Oh let me tell you, it is definitely challenging when you are merging not only you and your spouse personalities but when you have children from a previous relationship it’s can become challenging blending a family. A blended family is a blessing and definitely challenges a couple on who they are and how flexible they are in making things work.
His kids, my kids, our kids. You want to make it work this time. You have to make it work this time, and that means you need to learn to compromise and don’t consider your spouse kids as not your kids. It’s important that every member of the family feel like family. But how do you make it all work out? How do you make your bonus kids feel welcomed and loved with their “new” family dynamics?
Three tips on building a successful blended family:
1. Be prepared to rethink your expectations. If you have a family that is made up of his kids, your kids, and our kids make making rules difficult. You will have kids who aren’t there all the time and some which are. You have to be consistent with the rules, though. Don’t back down when it comes to your own kids and push harder on your spouse kids.
There have to be clear expectations before the wedding but these expectations should be discussed with your spouse and involve the kids in the discussion if they are old enough. Be prepared to let go of some things to get the things that are really important to blending the family with ease.
2. Show appreciation. We all want to be appreciated. It makes us feel happy and also more willing to compromise in areas we might otherwise insist on doing things our way. So when it comes to compromising on the parenting of the kids, you want everyone to feel appreciated – that they are a valued member of the family and their opinions do count.
3. Be willing to change. Be flexible. There will be a power struggle in the beginning. You will be told, “you are not my parent.” The kids may rebel against EVERYTHING you and your spouse try to put into place. Don’t get discouraged. Remember this is all new to them just like it is new to you. Change is hard. Give them time to adjust but be firm with your rules and expectations of them.
It won’t happen overnight, but with compromise comes change. You will have to revisit rule changing often as the children age or as you perhaps add your own children as a couple to the relationship.
Compromise is always hard. You always end up losing something just to gain something else. You always have to compromise in a relationship, but compromise is of the utmost importance when you have a blended family. Your spouse kids are used to life in a certain way; your kids are used to life in a certain way. And if you have kids together, then you will be throwing everyone’s life into a tailspin.
That’s not to say it’s not worth it, though. If you work hard at getting compromise right, then you should have no problems with anything else having a blended family throws at you. You will be creating the basis of your relationship as a family with compromise. So make that a priority in your relationship to make things a success.
What tips do you have on blending a family with ease?
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
I am a step parent. The key to the entire thing is open and honest communication.
Dawn says
I’ve never had to deal with the blended family thing, but I can only imagine how hard it is. This is going to be a really great post for someone out there.
Jennifer says
This is a great resource for anyone trying to merge two families. I’ve never had to do it, but I’ve seen other people try. It’s hard!
Susan says
As a parent educator that has worked with divorcing and step families, you’ve hit some important tips here. Pinning now.
Milena says
I have no tips. This can be a challenging area that I’m not familiar with.
Christine Luken says
Step parenting and blended families definitely have unique challenges! I know it wasn’t easy when my Dad remarried and suddenly my brother and I had two little sisters.
maria @closetohome says
I know this is an issue for many people. I am sure each family is different but sure there are some basic dos and fonts
Vanessa says
Great post, I wish more blended families understood this. You have to work at being a family. Great tips.
Courtney says
I give step-parents a lot of credit! Such a beautiful way to be a part of a family.
Anne-Marie @ This Mama Cooks! On a Diet says
Great tips! It is all about compromise and being flexible, realistic, practical and consistent for the kids.
Saidah Washington says
Blending families hard I think everyone needs to be patient and show grace to one another as they get to know each other more and more
Debbie Denny says
Good post. Blended is all for one family
Pam says
Blending a family can be difficult, but I believe that with effort from all parties, it doesn’t have to be as hard. Showing appreciation is a good tip and I think it’s often overlooked.
Maria says
I think you have managed to hit the nail on the head with this post. The most important thing to me is respect.
Danielle says
I love this post! My parents are divorced and both remarried. I didn’t have to deal with additional siblings being added to the mix, but can imagine it would be very difficult to manage.
lisa says
Blending families can be difficult at first. These are great tips!
Mama to 5 BLessings says
I have a stepfather, he is the best stepfather ever! He treated me better than my own birth father did.
Liz Mays says
I can’t speak from experience but talking with everyone about their expectations could be useful. That could make it easier to find compromise.
Mama to 5 BLessings says
Very fortunate, my stepfather treated me as his own daughter while my stepmother treated me horribly and like an outcast, still has after over 30 years.
Jess Weaver says
I grew up with a step father. It was definitely challenging as a child to accept such a huge change.
Autumn @Mamachallenge says
Really great tips! It is very important for the kids of a blended family to feel comfortable and accepted!
Vera Sweeney says
I can not imagine how hard it would be to blend a family! These are amazing tips for anyone facing this!
Sandra says
Such great information for those who find themselves in this situation. It’s never easy but worth it!
Andrea Kruse says
I grew up with a stepfather, so I understand how hard it can be with kids to feel comfortable with step-parents. There was still some sides in our family between my Mom and Step-Dad. It definitely doesn’t happen overnight… but to keep working on it is so important.
kristin says
what a great article thank you for sharing. I know friend who would get great use out of this.
Stacey- Travel Blogger says
I definitely agree that it’s “our” kids. You don’t want any of the kids feeling excluded.
Jenny Temcio says
These tips are great! Blending two families can be hard, so tips are always needed.
Mandi says
I don’t have any tips, but my sister has a blended family and I know that communication really helps everyone. From their relationship to the relationships with the other involved parents.
Mary Larsen says
I have several friends who are married into blended families – and these tips are spot on. Thanks for sharing.
AJ @ NutriFitMama says
I agree with being flexible. Sometimes what you had in your mind that you thought would work, does NOT work at all.
Loriel says
Making marriage and family work is definitely not easy but boy is it totally worth it. Thanks for a great post!
Katy Rose says
I’ve never had to deal with this, but it was really eye-opening to think of what blended families have to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Thanks for this post. – Katy
Victoria says
I am not a step parent but these tips are useful for those who are.
Christy Hoover says
I believe the biggest thing is rethinking expectations. Being in a blended family definitely takes flexibility.
Lorane says
Great Tips. My step-mother and i never got along , she just never liked my siblings and I and always made sure her kids were put first. I’m glad i overcame all that as her kids rely so much on my father for literally everything!
OurFamilyWorld says
These are some great tips for blending a family. I will need to show this to some of my friends to pass the info along.
Debi says
I can not imagine how hard it can be. There are so many fine lines.
Laura Funk says
Great tips for blended families. I have no experience with this but know many others who do.