The most common problem in marriage could well be entering into a relationship thinking there will be no problems. This is highly unrealistic but couples recite wedding vows daily wearing the proverbial rose-colored glasses and holding on to their dream of perfection when that’s not reality.
This is not to say you should enter into marriage expecting problems but be aware that they will occur and if you’re not prepared to handle them then that could be another problem. This is why it is so important to start before marriage building a solid communication foundation. You and your spouse should feel comfortable approaching any subject and finding a solution to the problem.
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There is a difference between the most common problems in marriage and the most serious or threatening. Of course, any problem could be threatening if not resolved in a timely manner. Marriage counselors and therapists have said that one of the most common issues they have to resolve for couples is their ability to manage conflict. When a couple is not able to manage conflict in a timely, calm, and peaceful manner is more damaging than the conflict itself.
The basic reason husbands and wives fail to solve their problems themselves is lack of communication. Instead of talking the problem out and brainstorming for a solution they become defensive and refuse to take responsibility for any wrongdoing. When the couple shutdown communication, it leads to feelings being hurt, the problem festering, and open minds are closed. There is no room left for negotiate or understanding.
Read: Anger is a Communication Blocker
When communication isn’t effective and the couple isn’t willing to “hear” their spouse point of view, too often it turns into a word fight filled with name calling and criticism. No one likes to be called bad names and no one likes to be criticized so the communication attempt is interrupted and probably won’t be resumed until the disrespect is softened. Good communication must include respect for the other person opinion.
There are three major areas that most couples will have challenges: sex, money, and children; however, these are just broad topics and underneath each lies more problems. When any of these problems or any problem is left unheard, uncorrected or even not recognized, a spouse can feel unloved, unwanted and become frustrated.
This frustration happens only because a spouse may not see that their spouse problem is a PROBLEM. You have to remember that you and your spouse are one in marriage but you still have your own feelings, thoughts, and needs.
It’s important that you never belittle your spouse feelings, words, or even actions.
3 Ways to deal with problems in marriage
- Acknowledge the problem
- Seek to understand
- Work to correct your part in the problem
The number one common marriage problem is almost impossible to pinpoint. What’s common with one marriage is not even felt in another. However the most common source of marriage conflicts is expecting there will be no problems. Problems will happen. Its important to understand that and also work to resolve the problem quickly.
How do you deal with problems in your marriage? Share your tips in the comments or tweet me @datingmyspouse
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