Joan Lunden grace the cover of People magazine with a shaved head. Her picture is beautiful and eye opening. Joan announced in June that she was diagnosed with an aggressive triple negative form of breast cancer. Her decision to be photographed bald for the cover of People magazine was a brave one but a much needed one. Joan is bringing another familiar face to cancer. Her decision to let the world in about her cancer situation and her decision to go bald is in perfect timing to bring awareness and the start of Breast Cancer Awareness month.
Cancer is not an individual disease its a family disease. Just as in the case of Joan and my blogger friend, Amanda, the family life changes just like the person affected by the disease. Cancer challenges the core of a family and marriage. Even the strong are made to feel weak; however, just as the person fighting to win the battle with cancer, the family must fight against allowing cancer to destroy the family and/or relationship.
[pullquote]”I was handed an opportunity to learn everything that I can about this and try to help others,” Joan said to People, “the opportunity to turn something bad into something good. And that is the most amazing thing.”[/pullquote]
Cancer and your relationship with your spouse
Communication is key to riding this fight out together. Don’t assume that your partner understand and/or know what you need. Articulate your needs and wants in a manor that your spouse will be able to understand and complete. For the spouse that is taking care of the patient, be patient with your spouse. This is just as new to them as it is to you. Ask questions if you don’t understand but be calm and forgiving toward your spouse at all times.
Cancer is a new beast in your marriage. A beast that you haven’t had to deal with so there will be learning curves. There will be times that you are frustrated but remember you are frustrated with cancer not your spouse.
Allow this experience to deepen your love, bond and growth. You guys will definitely learn more about each other and this will only happen when you have open, honest, and transparent conversations.
Don’t forgo the intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy during this time will be pivotal to keep the closeness and togetherness you will need to fight cancer together. Physical contact such as: hand holding, back and leg rubs, hugs and/or just laying in the bed together will create a solid foundation to eliminate loneliness, isolation or even feeling like a burden or lack of help to and for your spouse.
Create you a safe word or phase that you and your spouse can use that will speak to your love and thankfulness. Let this word be something that will cause you and your spouse to remember that you are in this fight together and that you will win as ONE.
Joan decided to shave her hair not before she discussed it with her family, including her seven children. Keeping your family in the loop on what is happening with your treatment and definitely including your spouse, will lessen the shock value of what cancer does to the body and mind.
No one and no marriage is exempt from cancer but cancer is exempt from destroying your marriage bond. This will not be an easy fight. This fight will make you feel like giving up. You are going to question God. You are going to question your love for your spouse and you are going to question if you are built for the fight and/or built to help your spouse get through this. But Fight the fight together. Lean on the foundation you have before cancer invades your family life and now that your spouse is still the person you fell in love with and still love.
Have your family been touched by cancer? What steps did you take to support your spouse during this trying time?
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