What Grief and a Car Ride Taught Me

I’ve been a widow for 14 months and I’m still trying to find my footing. Widowhood will make you reminisce about your spouse and the things you guys did+ re-evaluate if you are capable of living now without your spouse.

I was given a Mazda CX-5 to drive. The words in the post are my words and wasn’t influenced by the opportunity to test drive the car.

The good thing that I have to lean on is the marriage that we built. The type of relationship we had. Just knowing that I was able to experience live and togetherness, helps push me to “live.”

Y’all know, the mister and I did a lot of stuff together; hence, the reason we created Still Dating My Spouse, to share with the world just how much fun you can have dating your spouse.

If y’all follow me at all, y’all remember the infamous Mazda CX-3 car ride where I was schooled, by the husband, on just why and how Big Daddy Kane is a legend. If not, please watch that video here.

We had such an amazing time driving that car and spending time together. Just recently, I had the pleasure of driving a Mazda CX-5 for a few days. It brought back so many memories of us. I was sad at first but I heard my husband say “girl, if you don’t get in that car and turn the music up & sing!”

The car was amazing to drive. My cousin and I took the car on a quick girls weekend trip. We had a good time. From singing loudly to enjoying the wind coming in through the sunroof.

But….

Driving another Mazda without the mister brought up some good memories of the past and it also quickly reminded me just how deep grief runs.

5 Things I’ve Learned About grief

1. It’s hard to remove what was to create a what is. Most grievers don’t allow themselves enough time to process what has happened to give themselves the promise to work on creating a new way of living. I was guilty of this. I stayed in the bed, isolated myself from others for two months after my spouse died. It’s imperative that widows and widowers take the time to process what happened but also allow new things to enter into their day.

2. To lower my expectations of people. For some reason, we think people are obligated to stay in a sad space with us. We think our friends and family should stop living because we decided to stop living. Noooooo! Grief will have us mad at our friends and family that are supporting us in the most healthy way FOR US.

3. It’s ok to not be ok. In today’s Instagram society, we are programmed that everything, including our lives, must be picture perfect. That’s not realistic in real life especially the life of widows. There will be days that are great and high energy; however, there will be those low, crying, can’t get out the bed days. And that’s ok. This is just part of the grief journey.

4. How much my husband’s love and support made me the strong one in our relationship. We (unconsciously) take for granted those that love us. We assume they will always be around to do the things we forgot they handled for the family.

“We don’t miss our well until our well runs dry.”

5. I am incredibly resilient. #EnoughSaid

One thing about this journey, it’s never over. So anytime I’m able to recreate a joyous car ride the hubby and I had, I’m all for it!

Y’all get in the car or rent you a Mazda and start creating you some memories. Take it from me, tomorrow isn’t promised but the great experiences you create today is!!!