How to deal with infidelity: the Karrine Steffans and Columbus Short saga

Now, normally, I don’t get caught up in celebrity gossip but when it involves a husband and wife, I definitely try to pay attention only because so many couples model their relationship or marriage off what they see the celebrities are doing. So to hear about Karrine Steffans Short and Columbus Short having a marital issue and it is playing out on social media, I immediately knew I needed to address this.

Last night, Karrine Steffans, the wife of Columbus Short, went on an online rampage publicly accusing her husband of cheating on her. She started on Twitter and ended up on Instagram.

 

When we go so far as to create a video and post it online to embarrass and emasculate our husbands, we need to pull back and get ourselves together.

 

You okay @officialcshort? A video posted by Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) on

 

Karrine and Columbus are newlyweds and still trying to figure things out and to now have to deal with the possibility of infidelity after only six months of marriage is disheartening.

Karrine and Columbus are not the only married couple that feels the sting of being married. The disruptive distractions that come in to steal, kill and destroy our marriage cannot be attached to our disruptive behavior in dealing with the issues.

When we are faced with infidelity, a spouse is not only dealing with the fact that their spouse went out and fucked someone else but the fact that the trust in the marriage is now broken. And the spouse is feeling a level of betrayal that most of us NEVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE.

The emotions a cheated on spouse feels is REAL AND RAW. We are witnessing this in the actions of Karrine; however, we cannot allow those emotions to control you and have you reacting in a disruptive manner as well.

3 Steps to dealing with infidelity

1. First and the most important step: Get clear on what you have found out. You must deal with the facts and not “speculations.” Be protective of the information you share and allow others to share with you. You don’t want people’s personal “opinions” to cloud your judgment and thoughts.

2. Allow for a cooling off period: As hard as I know you want to pull a Karrine Steffans (throw all your husband clothes out, blast his ass on social media) this isn’t the right time or the right action. You have the absolute right to ask your spouse to leave the house while you guys sort through this new chapter of your marriage.

3. Decide on a plan of action: Infidelity doesn’t have to be the death of your marriage but only you can make that decision. If you decide to stay with your spouse, you guys must have an open and honest conversation about the situation and how you will not get to this place again. We know marriages can be restored. Tina and Teddy Campbell proved that to us. If you decide the marriage is over, get your marriage business in order. Don’t attack and do things to get back at your spouse, end the marriage the right way in the courtroom.

Infidelity is hard to digest. Infidelity destroys the trust and bond a couple has. Infidelity is the act of a selfish partner. Infidelity HURTS!

Listen, you don’t have to let infidelity win. You don’t have to let infidelity destroy your marriage. And you definitely shouldn’t allow infidelity to cause you to go on a social media rant about your spouse.

Take time to digest what is happening. Take time for YOU.

The world doesn’t need an open seat to your marriage in a 140 characters or less! And they damn shole don’t need a picture story of what is happening in your marriage.

Stay off social media airing your marriage dirty laundry. Use this time to gather yourself. Pray. And eventually have a rational conversation with your spouse.

Tweet me & let me know how you feel about sharing marital issues on social media.

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Sex is important but….

 You hear all the wonderful stories about sex once you get married but in reality, folks don’t tell you about the moments in your marriage when sex is not happening.
Sex is important but…..
Sex is important in marriage
LIFE HAPPENS! There are definitely some benefits to having sex but honey….
Let me help you understand how sex works in marriage and the importance of having sex with your spouse.
I’ve been married for almost 19 years and let me tell you life happens and when life happens sex is not the most important aspect of your life. My husband is a truck driver so there are some days he doesn’t come home. There are some days I’m just not in the mood to even be touched.
If you have kids at home, your day could be so busy that you don’t know if you coming (no pun intended) or going.
Oh don’t get me wrong, you recognize when you haven’t been sexed in a long time because your whole being will be off.
Seriously….
I know for me when it’s been weeks since the last time my husband and I have had sex, I become a monster. Yep, an evil monster.
As a woman, I need that intimate physical connection with my spouse. For one, it helps relieve any “built up” stress. Sex really is a stress reliever [for me].
Think about it: When you have sex with your spouse you aren’t stressed because you too busy enjoying the moment and how they are making you feel.
I suffer from insomnia. Anyone that follows me on social media can catch me on the net odd hours of the night. It’s because I just cannot sleep…..
Oh but when the hubby is home and putting it down real good, I sleep like a baby! (Yes, I know that’s TMI but hey you can agree when your spouse is sexing you good and on the regular, you sleep like a baby). Come on now, don’t be shy now. I mean we talking about sex on the web lol
This is why we must stop looking at sex as a chore or an inconvenience but we also must recognize that life happens and sex with your spouse may not be like you had dreamed it to be before marriage but sex with your spouse is important.
Because……
Sex in marriage really is to help keep everyone sane and calm. :)
No seriously, the benefits of sex outweigh the reasons not to have sex.
Remember sex helps with:
1. Relieving Stress
2. Sleeping
3. Lowers Your Blood Pressure (see #1)
4. Buring Calories (Sex is exercise. You did know that right?)
5. Sex boosts immunity (I say it boosts your immunity to deal with bullshit (again see #1) but the doctors say it helps fight off sickness).
Don’t get me wrong! It feels really good to be intimate physically with my spouse and I understand the importance of it but life does happen. So that’s why you must be in tune with self and understand when it’s been too long since you and your spouse had sex.
I can’t tell you to have sex every day. I can’t tell you that you need to have sex once a week but what I can tell you is: have a sex life that is healthy for you and your spouse. As long as everyone is happy with the frequency of the sex, then by all means stick with it!!!!
How do you guys manage the frequency of sex in your marriage? 
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Are You Protecting Your Marriage?

The lead story in the news recently was about Grammy Award-winning gospel singer, Israel Houghton, announcement via his facebook page about his divorce from his wife Melease. He apologized to his wife, family and his fans for cheating on his wife.

Isreal Houghton FB post

The sad thing is, Isreal and Melease story is not uncommon. It’s happening more and more.

This is why we must PROTECT OUR MARRIAGES FROM ALL DISTRACTIONS.

Are you protecting your marriage?

Do you know how to protect your marriage?

How can you keep your marriage distraction FREE?

In all honesty, no marriage is immune from being tempted by distractions that could destroy the marriage foundation but husbands and wives must be intentional in PROTECTING THEIR MARRIAGE.

Protect Your Marriage

The only way to protect your marriage is to have the tools necessary to fight off any distractions that will try to invade your marriage. We not only believe this, we live it. This is why we have decided to host an incredibly inspiring event

This is why we have decided to host an incredibly inspiring event Protect Your Marriage.

We, along with a select group of powerhouse, inspirational couples want to share with you how to Protect Your Marriage: Against All Distractions. We will share tips, real life experiences, and resources with all in attendance during our FREE 5 Day Online Marriage Retreat.

If you are ready to Protect Your Marriage, Register NOW

It is our strongest desire to inspire you to enjoy your marriage to the fullest and to take a stand against any and all distractions that are trying to destroy your marriage. This is why this FREE Online Marriage Retreat is important and necessary.

The selected speakers will share valuable information and their personal journeys pertaining to:

* Husbands: Leadership is not Dictatorship

* Wives: How to Submit Without losing Your Voice

* She Nags and He Forgets: How to Improve Communication in Your Marriage

* Your Marriage is as Strong as You Are: Self-Care

* Keeping the Sex and Intimacy Alive in Marriage

* How to Manage and Improve the Finances in Your Marriage

Protect Your Marriage

The speakers are committed to helping you shift your story, to break through your self-imposed blocks and start truly enjoying your marriage. Break free from the barriers that have been holding you back, and join this enlightening free event: PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE.

Are you ready to break free from the distractions that’re destroying the connection between you and your spouse?!

If so, click here, and join me for this FREE interview series.

You can even register by texting PYMARRIAGE to 33733.

We hope you will join us starting March 28.

Share this FREE online marriage retreat with your other married friend.s

 

 

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#ShareTheLoad in Marriage

When a couple marry, they have an idea of what their marriage will look like and how it will operate, but in reality, our dream of our marriage isn’t the same as how it actual will be. 

In some marriages, one spouse is shouldering the heaviest and biggest load of responsibility when it comes to the household. 
In #marriage, it’s about Sharing The Load together. As equals, everything should be shared. 

Pitch in. 

Help out.

Do what needs to be done. 

#ShareTheLoad

Sharing the load is about removing any barriers in your marriage that has one spouse overly tired, handling all the chores/decisions by themselves or even managing the children ALONE! 

Watch this video to get an understanding of how a spouse look when they are carrying the load of the house and marriage ALONE! 

 #ShareTheLoad
Marriage wasn’t designed to be a one person show. It wasn’t designed for one person to be responsible for EVERYTHING to keep the family afloat. 

#ShareTheLoad 

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Have a date night with your kids

Do you have kids? When was the last time you had a date night with your kids? You know like I do that once the kids arrive, your life is never the same. And now we have entered the grandparents mode. As parents, we are our kids first example of what adulting looks like and we need to be the biggest influence in their lives. The only way to strengthen the relationship and bond you have with your children is to communicate regularly with them and spend quality time with your children, i.e. date night with your kids.

date night with kids

Now, I definitely understand the importance of this today but I failed at this with my kids. I was working so hard to make sure they had everything they wanted that I failed to spend “enough” quality time with them. Yes, we went on family vacations and out to eat but we didn’t have the regular mommy and daughter nights. I hate that I didn’t realize how important that time was to their formative years, but God has given me another chance to get it right with my grandbabies.

I plan weekly date nights with those silly grands of mines. The date night with the kids is important to me and a priority in the relationship I am building with them.  Quality time is essential in building the relationship that I want with them. It affords me the chance to build an open communication, a level of respect and a solid foundation for them.

Sprout Channel

Last week, the girls and I had a sleepover. Yes, a sleepover in our living room floor with sleeping bags and all. We watched The Wiz and the Sprout channel all night and munched on peanut butter sandwiches, popcorn, and juice.

We had a fun time. The four-year-old wanted to “have a sleepover” every night! I am so excited to build these memories with them.

As a parent, we get so busy providing financially, physically that we forget to provide mentally. Schedule a day to date night  with your kids. Make it fun and allow the kids to be kids.

 

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