Sex in marriage is so wonderful. Who doesn’t look forward to the intimacy and the closeness that you have with your spouse when it comes to sex.
Yes we all know there are different levels of sex and intimacy but when it comes to sex it shouldn’t be used as a weapon, as a punishment or even as a payment for services. Don’t try to control your spouse instead talk to them & get a mutual understanding.
To bargain or not to bargain?
Sex with your spouse shouldn’t be used as a bargaining tool. Sex is used to connect not disconnect from your spouse.Whenever your spouse drags or feel less of a person when it comes to sexual relations with you then there is a problem. Or if you feel that way, there is a problem.
STOP using something so wonderful & intimate to gain control! Address the real problem instead of using sex as a way to [stick] it to your spouse. When sex is used as a punishment it takes all of the fun, excitement, and closeness from it.
Sex as a bargaining tool:
If you ever say any of the statements below, you are using sex inappropriately:
- If you do this, then we can have sex
- You didn’t do what I told you to do so no I will not have sex with you tonight
- I am paying all these bills around here the least you could do is have sex with me
- I really enjoyed sex with you last night so I went out and bought you ___________________
- Well you did put it down, so yes you can have the money you asked for.
Your spouse is not your personal prostitute so don’t treat them like one. Don’t make something so wonderful feel so nasty and degrading. If there is a problem in your marriage, in your life, and/or with you, discuss it with your spouse instead of masking the problem with making sex the issue.
Sex bonds husband & wife & gives a closeness like no other can have.
This week connect physically with your spouse without any expectations of gaining a “WANT” from them or using it to control them or a situation.. Remember SEX is not a bargaining tool. Have a fantastic week dating your spouse!
Hale Pringle says
Pamala,
I do love your posts and your writing style. I’m reading and thinking. As you get older sex becomes different. Not betters, not worse, but certainly different. The intimacy between spouses certainly needs to have the sexual component. Something else that occurred to me that I don’t see written about much is called “skin hunger.” I think American’s really confuse the need to be touched with SEX. I truly believe that we crave skin to skin comfort that has very little to do with sex.
Regards,
Dr. Hale
PS I would love to see your name on you blog. The only place I see your name is in the pop-up. Just a thought.
MELISASource says
I like this post! ~In our household, bargaining for sex is not an option! 😉
Eleanor says
I remember in my first marriage the points you brought out about bargaining happened a lot. In my marriage now it is so different, I am always craving my husband. I have to remind myself that he is working 40 plus hours a week sometimes so that I am a bit considerate of this. But this is great advice.
Arelis Cintron @DjRelAt7 says
I am not married yet so I have not dealt with this but I agree, sex should not be used as a bargaining chip to get something done. If that is the case something must be fixed communication wise…perhaps technique.