Fourth quarter of 2013, the hubby and I talked about our plans for 2014. I even came up with a word that would drive my action in 2014.We had big plans for our life, marriage and personal achievements for the year. One thing we never thought about doing this year was taking care of sick parents. We wasn’t [truly] prepared to be launched into being the caregiver for not one but 3 of our parents.
The year started off with a bang and we were on track to complete our first quarter goals for 2014, oh but it only takes one phone call to turn your world upside down. We got that call in March! My mother in law was in the hospital. Well, we figured it was just her not following the doctors orders. We went to Savannah and it was more than simply her “doing her own thing” but she would be fine. So no big deal because Essie Mae has visited the hospital before. So we returned home and planned out our monthly visits to Savannah to be with her more.
My husband and I settled back into our daily routine but what we didn’t realize was our world was about to be rocked off its core.
Roles Change without us even noticing.
Memorial Day week, we received a call that we needed to get to Savannah as soon as possible, Essie was back in the hospital. We rush to Savannah and yes it was bad. She was in ICU.
While we were in Savannah trying to wrap our mind around what’s happening with my MIL, I get a call that my dad was rushed to the ER.
Lord Jesus what is going on with our parents!?
The worse feeling is having sick parents at the same time. How do you choose who to take care of? You don’t. You take care of them all.
Roles Change without us even noticing.
The blessing was my husband’s sisters was able to keep us updated about my MIL since we don’t live in Savannah.
Meanwhile my dad is still sick…..
My dad became so ill that he was in and out the hospital for three months with one hospital stint for 21 days. During this time, I’m with him day in and day out.
When a parent gets sick, YOUR world stops. Your thoughts and actions is all about what they need and want. You literally get a crash course in “doctor lingo.”
You become your parent parent. You forget to eat. You forget to take care of your personal affairs. Your engagement in your marriage and with your children lessens. And if you are anything like me, the hospital becomes your home.
August 2 we buried my MIL and on August 4 my dad underwent major surgery.
When I tell you that my husband and I were functioning off the grace and mercy of our God is an understatement.
My dad stayed in the hospital until August 24.
He was released and I immediately became his home health nurse. No I’ve never attended nursing school.
Dad had to have daily dressing changes. He had to have special meals. He was limited in physical movement for awhile.
So what do you do? You do what your parent would have done. Stopped everything and took care of you. So now my life has moved from the hospital to my dads house.
No complaints from me. No complaints from my husband but being the caregiver for ailing parents puts a strain on you mentally, emotionally and physically.
October 19 my mom cooked a big family dinner for us kids. She wanted to do something special for us because of the year we have had with sickness and death.
October 20 mom woke up and could not see. Yes, you read that correct: She could not see.
WTH?!?! Another parent?
Jesus what have I done to deserve this. Yes, you start pleading with Jesus.
Mom was admitted into the hospital and was there for two weeks.
Yes, you guessed it! I moved into another hospital. I learned more “doctor lingo.”
To date, mom eyesight in her right eye still hasn’t comeback so we are still her caregivers.
The diagnosis for mom is she will probably never have full vision again. They have revoked her driving privileges.
Yes you guessed it!
Life as I know it will never be the same.
I never imagined a year of all the parents getting sick and one passing away. But I’m just thankful I’m able to step in and fill whatever position my parents need at the moment.
I’m so thankful for a loving husband and a sister who shares some of the responsibility with me. We had talked about what we would do when our parents couldn’t take care of themselves but it is so surreal when you actually have to put those decisions into play.
5 Tips to prepare to be a caregiver
- Create a caregiving team: Hold a family meeting with your siblings and any other love ones that will be able to assist in the care of your parents/family member.
- Gather important documents: Designate a specific place for all of your parent important documents. Make sure you understand the documents and that you have all of their doctors information and type of medicine that they take.
- Integrate their life: Start slowly NOW taking on some of the responsibility of your parent care or well-being. They may not need you fully now but don’t wait until they are too sick to tell you what you need to know. Attend doctor visits. Talk about what they like and what their wishes are in regards to their care.
- Personal life balance: Talk with your spouse and kids about taking care of your parents/family member. Decide right now just how involved each member of your immediate family will be and devise a household plan. The household plan will let everyone know their role in case you are pulled away from your regular duties at home to care for a sick/elderly parent.
- Self care: Start you a regular routine of taking care of YOU! Have you a safe place or thing that you can do/go to that relaxes you.
Did you know November is National Family Caregivers Month? It’s a great time to celebrate the more than 42 million people, like me, in the U.S. that are caring for an older relative or friend. If you are a caregiver yourself or if you know one, you know that sometimes this means you need extra support.
If you are a caregiver, please visit AARP website it is full of resources to help you. Make sure you download the Free eBook: Juggling Work and Caregiving.
I’m pleased to partner with Midlife Boulevard to bring you this important public service information about National Family Caregivers Month.
Nic Nac says
Great thoughtful article. I think about caregiver issues often as my parents age. I am an only child and unmarried. It is a heavy burden on my heart. Thanks for these tips. I will certainly keep them in mind and file away for future reference.
Brandi says
Oh, Pamela! You have been dealing with so much, and handling it! Being a caregiver is tough, but the level of compassion and love that you have shown by stepping in that role is inspiring. God bless you, your parents, AND your marriage. Thank you for the tips as well. As much as we don’t like thinking of it, becoming a caregiver is very much something that many of us will have to do at some time in our lives.
melisasource says
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time. I thought that I was going to get the opportunity to be a caregiver to my Dad earlier this year, but things did not turn out that way. I know how you feel and my thoughts and prayers for strength are with you.