I know you are thinking “I listen to my spouse.” “I hear everything they are saying and they are not saying anything.” Yes I have said that as well. I tell my husband I’m listing to him but the truth is I am just hearing him but I’m not listening. When you fail to “listen” to your spouse, your marriage will fail because the lines of communication are broken.
To have effective communication, you must be able to listen to what your spouse is saying. Yes you “hear” them but are you truly listening? Active listening is a learned art.
Poor listening skills lead to the breakdown in communication in a marriage. The essence of listening between a couple is the ability to put aside our judgments and truly honor the other person without feeling the need to change them.
Reasons couples struggle with listening:
- Often there is so much going on and you are multi-tasking a dozen things.
- You don’t listen because your spouse isn’t agreeing with you.
- While your spouse is talking, you are in the defense mode.
- Timing: you are to tired to even talk let alone listen.
- Not listening to understand.
Listening requires you to be 100% attentive and engaged while your spouse is talking. This engagement involves your entire body: ears, eyes, and body language. Silence your mind to only hear what your spouse is saying and not what your next response will be.
Its important for you to learn your spouse communication style and needs. Is your spouse a person that need “consistent” feedback while they are talking, i.e. occasionally YES. Or is your spouse one that wants to complete their thoughts without any interruption?
Remember: Listening is important in communication. Without someone listening, there is little to no connecting happening!
So do you really listen or are you pretending to be listening to your spouse?
Today’s bible verse: Proverbs 18:13: To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
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