Wife: “Honey, I don’t feel like we are connecting.”
Husband: “I thought we connected last night.” *wink wink
Who is right?
First we must understand what constitutes intimacy. Dictionary.com defines intimacy as a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
So, in laymen’s terms, intimacy is when you and your spouse are familiar with the deepest interworking of each other. Your knowledge goes deeper than what most would see on the surface and even with knowing your spouse that deep you still have love that won’t dissipate.
But…How do we get to the level of “true” marital intimacy?
First and foremost, you must be willing to commit to understanding and meeting your spouse physical and emotional needs. To accomplish this task you must become one in marriage and in all things.
INTIMACY IS AN ACTION!
You and your spouse must be willing to learn the language that will speak to the soul of your spouse. The only way to learn this language is to actively engage and pursue your spouse in dialogue, touching, and togetherness.
Secondly, your understanding of your spouse intimacy requirements should be apparent in everything you do. This ties in with you really understanding your spouse intimacy language and you speaking it back to them in ACTION!
Third, TAKE OFF the mom and dad hats. Approach your martial intimacy as BFFs, lovers, husband and wife. Being parents is just an offspring of your marital union but it is not the only part of being married. Constantly approaching each other in Mom and Dad role, can and will, hinder you from truly understanding your spouse intimacy language. Think about it, if you are always in parent role, the only thing you are talking about is the kids, what is going to happen when the kids grow up and leave home? You guys will be lost and will not know each other on a deep intimate level.
Fourth: DATE! I know I can remember when I was dating my husband, we would talk all the time about any and everything. We really enjoyed the little things in life. We DATE[d] each other and as married couples we must continue to date.
When we are dating someone we are very interested what makes them tick and why they are ticking the way they are. We delved deep to understand who they were and we listened intently to every word that came out their mouth. INTIMACY LANGUAGE!
Get creative on planning and sticking to date nights. I know I have said time and time again, dating your spouse is beneficial to building strong healthy marriages and you can definitely add that it will help you learn your spouse Intimacy language.
To develop a deep profound marital intimacy with your spouse takes time but once you guys get to that level of intimacy it will be life/marriage changing. Don’t take my word for it…go ahead and begin learning your spouse intimacy language.
Do you and your spouse have a deep level of intimacy? Would your spouse agree with your answer? Share your thoughts in the comments below and share this post with your spouse and other couples that could benefit from reading it.
P.S. in the example above, the husband and wife were right; however, they were speaking their own INTIMACY LANGUAGE instead of speaking their spouse INTIMACY LANGUAGE!