Do you remember the day you got married? You were happy and in love. Then people started asking you and your spouse, “When are you going to have children?” You were still smiling and probably saying soon or we will eventually.
Well, you decided to add to your family. You and your spouse are all excited about having children and being parents. You talked about all you will do with your children and for your children; however, most of the time we fail to think about and plan to incorporate time with our spouse once we have children.
You must be mindful to remember that: Children do not STOP the marriage or STOP you from dating your spouse. Children actually enhance your family dynamics and help you grow as a person (well they should help you grow as a person).
Are Children a Blessing or Curse?
Children are a gift from God but God did not give you and your spouse children to allow them to destroy your marriage. Be a unit of one, instead of individual parents. Parent together & set a strong foundation. Your marital foundation should be one the kids cannot destroy or divide!
Your kids will live with you for a limited time but your spouse is a lifetime! Don’t forget to build a bond, foundation, and memories with your spouse! You love the kids but don’t allow them to cause a division in your marriage. Build a loving relationship with each other NOW so when the kids leave home you and your spouse are not total STRANGERS!
[pullquote]Build your foundation and stay united.[/pullquote] This united force must be seen in all things you do and this includes your interaction with your children.
Don’t let the children see you sweat (smile)! (just a little humor)
Seriously, love the children. Rear them as a unified front and give your children the example they need to see of a loving married unit that loves the children!
If you are experiencing any problems in this area,
- Pray to God for help and guidance
- Talk to your spouse about what you are feeling & witnessing
- Find a parenting circle of other married couples & share & learn from each other
- Pray together as husband & wife
- Last but certainly not least, DO NOT ALLOW SATAN TO CONVINCE YOU THAT YOUR SPOUSE IS THE PROBLEM! Your spouse is not the enemy (nor is your children)
Love your children but love your marriage and your spouse as well! Remember, the kids will be with you for 18-20 years so don’t build a wall up against you and your spouse during this time. Continue dating, continue talking, and continue loving each other & building your foundation.
What are some steps you have taken to make sure your children are a blessing to your marriage instead of a curse?
Jamie Clark says
What a tough subject, but it was well said. I have a 15 year old daughter but I have never been married. She is truly a blessing, even when I want to kill her LOL
Billie says
I worry about my husband and I being strangers when Jake leaves. He is 15. Our relationship is a bit different though as he is my step-son.
Donna says
Great tips! My Mom told me years ago the same thing, “You don’t want to end up one day with your kids gone, and find yourself living with a stranger. My son is still young, but we do try to have date nights, and take the time to talk about things that do not include our son (not always easy, but getting easier). 🙂 To answer your question… a blessing!
Jenn Park says
Another awesome post from SDMS. Amazing truths! So funny–I was just talking to my husband about this the other day. I cannot say it enough ~ I LOVE your site.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Jenn,
You make my heart smile! Thank you for the kind words. I’m happy to hear that you and your hubby have talked about how the kids play a part in the family dynamics. I’m sure during that talk you devised a plan to continue dating as well! LOL
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse says
Donna,
You have a wise speaking mother! Oh once we have children it seems like our whole life is consumed with them and this include our conversation. It does get easier but it take some practice LOL Keep working at it during your date nights and watch after a while, during date night, you will say “Son who?” LOL Enjoy your weekend!
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse says
Billie,
A child is a child. They will affect our marriages the same. Start now dating your spouse again. So when Jake leaves home you guys are not strangers. Hey in 3 years you will be “teenage lovers” again! LOL
Thanks for stopping by.
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse says
Jamie,
I must admit I LOL at your comment. I think we all have gone through that stage with our teenagers. As a single mom, you get very close with your child(ren) just make sure there are some boundaries because when your Knight in shining armor comes and sweep you off your feet you don’t want to start to set boundaries then.
Thanks for stopping by!
Pamela
Beverly Abrego says
Love your website! Thanks for the post!
Still Dating My Spouse says
Beverly,
Thank you!
Pamela
Jennifer Williams says
My husband and I have two kids, one 15yo and one 2yo. Up until about 6 months ago, we worked together and would take breaks and lunch together several times a week. We would also have family date night and our date night after the kids went to bed. We both have the same beliefs on parenting, if we didn’t want them, we wouldn’t have had them. Yes we need time for each other, but we will have lots of time when they are grown. I miss working with him and seeing him through out my day (yes pathetic I know), I love being home and we still get together for lunch, it just includes the kids.
Shawna says
This is so very true! I have a tendency to put him on the back burner to handle the needs of our kids, so this post really made me think about that. I’m already integrating your suggestions from other posts into our relationship, so this will definitely add to the positive changes.
Alyssa McVey says
May I just say that I really appreciate your site? I am a HUGE advocate of marriage and I am constantly asked for advice from my friends. My husband and I have a unique relationship IMO because we are working DAILY on having a better relationship. We spend time together every night after the kids go to bed, we discuss everything that affects our family or our relationship. Our children are great blessings in our lives. There will always be SOMETHING that has the potential to mess with marital unity. Children just happen to be front and center much of the time.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Alyssa,
Thank you for visiting. You are so right, we must work DAILY on our relationship in order to have a healthy strong marriage.
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse says
Shawna,
Forgetting to nurture our spouse is easy to do when we have kids and a busy life. But taking time to just talk to our spouse can do wonders.
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse says
Jennifer,
Its great that you guys had the opportunity to work together. Believe it or not you were getting some quality time in while working. It may not have seemed that way but you benefited from it. Glad you are still able to have lunch together.
Pamela