It is so hard of letting go. As a mother, wife, and all the other titles I wear, it is really hard to transition to a new normal. The only thing I knew for sure about life was the experiences I had already experienced. The past defined me and I didn’t want to let it go. I wanted things to stay the way they were, but that wasn’t an option and it wasn’t humanly possible.
But why do I have to let go? I don’t want to and I refuse to let go…
I don’t care how many times I screamed those words or even cried, the truth was, I had to let go for my own sanity and growth.
See, for the last 26 years, I had people that depended on me (my kids). For the last 18 years, I gained a husband that depended on me. So my “new normal” was to be a wife and mother. Those titles I wore proudly.
My husband depended on me to be his “sidekick” (that word is used in a loving way). I filled the gaps to where he is was lacking. I was his “mini me.”
The kids depended on me for everything. It was mommy this…mommy that…
BUT NOW…
None of those jobs I did in the last 26 years is needed. See the kids have grown up and left home. They have their own families now. I’m not top priority.
The husband is not as needy as he was 18 years ago. See, we have settled into a routine and he don’t need all the things I use to do for him.
My normal isn’t normal anymore!
I fought the change for years! Yes, YEARS. It was driving me bat crazy to try to stay with the past routine. I always focused on “letting go” to only apply when you have encountered bad relationships but this wasn’t a bad relationship.
This was my family transitioning to a new era and I wasn’t ready or prepared.
As my blogging friend, Michelle, of Divas with a Purpose, stated: “We hold on to our past because we are comfortable with it. Being comfortable can keep us from moving forward.”
[Tweet “We hold on to our past because we are comfortable with it. #datingmyspouse”]
I was very comfortable and that comfort gave me self worth and I felt needed.
Experiences of the past will cause us anxiety and lost feelings if we do not adequately close that chapter of our life/history. Closing that chapter in life is not saying you didn’t appreciate it or that it wasn’t a good chapter, it just means you understand & appreciate what that chapter in your life has done for you [and your marriage].
I struggled [and still struggle sometimes] with understanding that my role as a mother and wife has changed to a new level. What my family needed me for 26 years ago isn’t what they need me for today. I had to learn what my new need was with my family.
I also had to learn that I am still valued in the family but in a different capacity.
See letting go really is about transitioning with your family and marriage as it grows. Letting go is about growing. Letting go is about understanding that your reason and season is over and a new reason and season is starting.
If you hold on to the “old normal” you are refusing to embrace the “new normal” and the new experiences you, your spouse and family will create.
Oh, yes, I struggled with letting go and almost lost my mind but once I understood that I was only letting go of what was to embrace what is, my family and myself have benefited from this “new normal.”
What is your new normal?
Leave a Reply