Picture this (said in my Sophie from Golden Girls voice):
You meet a good looking guy & you call your best friend up to tell her about him.
She’s all excited asking you a million and one questions about him.
You begin dating said dude.
Your friend is all happy for you.
You and said dude gets serious about each other.
Your friend seems happy for you, still.
You announce to your friend that you are getting married.
Your friend does the fake scream of joy & the slow clap.
Wait? Is she happy or is she excited?
You think “she’s happy for me, isn’t she? She is my friend, isn’t she?”
What happened to our friendship?
A 20+ year friendship dissolved slowly after I got married. I was so confused as to why this was happening? My feelings were truly hurt.
I asked myself (and her) a million and one questions.
- Why would she act funny with me?
- We girls. What could I have done to make her stop being my friend?
- Is it my marriage that is driving a wedge between us?
- Did I slight her in any way?
- Did I forget a birthday or special occasion?
- Did I flake out on a girls trip or outing?
- Did I miss too many of her calls?
I struggled with this for YEARS! I tried to continue a friendship with someone who decided I wasn’t worthy of being her friend anymore.
What DID I DO to make her treat me as a stranger?
Oh shit, I know what I did: I got married and was happy in my relationship.
Wait? So ummm….
My friend of 26 years, at the time, couldn’t accept that my happiness didn’t have anything to do with her.
[Tweet “It hurts to know some people love you only to the extent that your love doesn’t go pass them.”]
In being on this marriage journey for almost 20 years, I realize [now] that some friends aren’t comfortable with their friends growing and moving from the single life to the married life.
Learning and understanding this fact hurts. I will not lie.
I miss her.
We had many years together.
We did crazy fun things together.
We cried together.
We shared clothes.
We rocked each other’s children.
We were more like sisters than friends.
So I thought.
I had to come to terms with it is not me and stop feeling guilty for the decision she made to end the friendship.
Losing her as a friend hurt. I will not lie.
For months, I stalked her on social media. To see her move on and make new BFFs, wasn’t easy.
That [friendship] breakup period in my life felt like a nightmare but I knew it wasn’t. I also knew I had to move on.
Friendships, like any other relationship, has its reason and season.
Unfortunately, our season began to end the day I decided to get married. Sad but so true!
I fully understand the concept of unconditional love now. True friends love you even when you have a spouse to love. loving a spouse because they know the love you have for them isn’t tainted by the love you have for your spouse.
[Tweet “A true friend understands you can love your spouse without neglecting the love you have for them”]
I miss her but I love me more. So I granted her her wish and I set my heart and mind free. It wasn’t me, it was her!
My marriage didn’t destroy the friendship, her jealousy did!