How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage Using Lessons from The Scarlet Letter

Reasons for Marrying

Although as a child the adulteress, Hester, may have been a bit strong-willed and rebellious, she was also strongly passionate. The man she married, an older, rather physically misshapen man found her youthful beauty and passion exciting, a thing he must own. One might also presume she felt a bit of compassion for the condition of his twisted body and enjoyed the idea he could and would provide handsomely for her since he was a professional. Meanwhile taking for granted that in time they would actually fall in love. So they married. The relationship lacks commonality of beliefs, tenderness, and unselfishness, just what’s in it for me.

Keep Promises and Provide Unselfish Care Being interested in coming to the new land of America like so many settlers of the day, Hester’s husband booked passage for her to come to the new land, saying he would follow later. However, it became apparent after quite a while he would not be reuniting with his bride, because, Hester believed, he had met his demise at sea. Unfortunately there was no documentation of his death, so when Hester met and fell deeply, passionately in love, she committed adultery. Her husband obviously did not keep his promise to care for her and love her. In fact, we find her husband abandoning her and removing his umbrella of protection, leaving her vulnerable not only to others, but to her own passions.

Actions Speak Volumes

Therefore he should not have been surprised to find, when he did manage to get to America that she had fallen for someone else. In his devious mind he must have known that if he did not make every effort to send word that he was on another ship, she might indeed assume he was dead. Was this a merciless tease on his part to bait her into temptation that although he couldn’t have a deep, meaningful relationship, he would not allow her to have real love either? By his actions he convinced her that he did not want her. What do your actions say to your spouse? So you are married and you want to make it better; don’t we all?! How ironic to consider going to a book about an adulteress for counseling. What contributed to her downfall may just produce some key suggestions. Reasons for Marrying Although as a child the adulteress, Hester, may have been a bit strong-willed and rebellious, she was also strongly passionate. The man she married, an older, rather physically misshapen man found her youthful beauty and passion exciting, a thing he must own. One might also presume she felt a bit of compassion for the condition of his twisted body and enjoyed the idea he could and would provide handsomely for her since he was a professional. Meanwhile taking for granted that in time they would actually fall in love. So they married. The relationship lacks commonality of beliefs, tenderness, and unselfishness, just what’s in it for me. Keep Promises and Provide Unselfish Care Being interested in coming to the new land of America like so many settlers of the day, Hester’s husband booked passage for her to come to the new land, saying he would follow later. However, it became apparent after quite a while he would not be reuniting with his bride, because, Hester believed, he had met his demise at sea. Unfortunately there was no documentation of his death, so when Hester met and fell deeply, passionately in love, she committed adultery. Her husband obviously did not keep his promise to care for her and love her. In fact, we find her husband abandoning her and removing his umbrella of protection, leaving her vulnerable not only to others, but to her own passions. Actions Speak Volumes Therefore he should not have been surprised to find, when he did manage to get to America that she had fallen for someone else. In his devious mind he must have known that if he did not make every effort to send word that he was on another ship, she might indeed assume he was dead. Was this a merciless tease on his part to bait her into temptation that although he couldn’t have a deep, meaningful relationship, he would not allow her to have real love either? By his actions he convinced her that he did not want her. What do your actions say to your spouse?

As we take these thoughts into consideration, of what are some things we need to become owners in our relationships with our spouses in order to affair-proof our marriages? The Scarlet Letter in its most literary fashion highlights that we first must have a common belief system focusing on putting his or her welfare before our own. As we put our marriage partners first, we must keep the promises made to them in our wedding vows which include cherishing them in all circumstances; communicating this to them without reservation in any way possible. We regard our life long complements. In closing, I would like to award the list makers in the audience with a group of synonyms for the word, regard, found in my trusty thesaurus: respect, esteem, favor, honor, concern and for whom we have great affection. Think on these things and prepare for action!

Terry Ford and the great writers at Grammarly, the world’s best grammar checker take comfort in good books and believe in the power of writing every day.