Iylana Fix My Life episode this weekend with the Pace Sisters was powerful! Do you guys watch that show? Well, I love that show and I got so much from watching her help those ladies and there were some great takeaways for us married folks.
How damaging are secrets?
When you get married you bring with you your experiences over your lifetime to that exact point. Our relationships with our parents, our siblings, our friends and even our religious relationships all come into play with what, how, and why we do the things that we do. With merging your life with your spouse, there will be some differences. Those differences could easily be noticeable or they could be the secrets that keep our spouse wondering what is wrong?
Secrets cripple you and don’t allow you to be the “true” person you should be. You are always in fear that your secret would be found out & that you would be shunned. Secrets cause you to stress and will destroy your health and happiness.
So yes, secrets are damaging. How can you bond with your spouse when you haven’t given yourself permission to let go of the things of your past?
[Tweet “How can you bond w/ur spouse if you are keeping secrets?”]
Watch my video on why secrets destroy marriages:
How to let go of secrets:
You must decide to take control over the secret instead of allowing the secret to control you. We fail to give ourselves the ok to let go & understand that at the time, you did what you thought was best. Some secrets are held because of what was done to us and we are ashamed. Don’t be ashamed. Love yourself and your marriage more than you are afraid of letting the secret out! Believe me, you will feel better and that weight will be lifted off you so you can be full vested into the marriage.
[Tweet “You must decide to take control over the secret instead of allowing the secret to control you.”]
How to let go:
- Write down everything that is holding you hostage
- Give yourself permission to cry & feel the pain
- Give yourself permission to NEVER allow the secret to cripple you
- Communicate your secret to your spouse
- Set up boundaries that will keep you from experiencing the hurt or shame again
- Pray!
Do you have a secret that is destroying your marriage? How did you get over the baggage from your past to be able to give 100% to your marriage?
Share your thoughts & comments below.
Mistee Dawn says
What a great post. Thanks for the tips. I like to think there are no secrets between me and my hubby. =)
Mary ~ Capturing Magical Memories® says
Great tips! You are right, even little lies can have a BIG impact on a marriage.
The Pinterested Parent says
This is great advice, as always. Lies & secrets will definitely destroy a relationship. I caught my husband once in a little white lie along time ago, because he didn’t trust me enough to share with me something that he thought would change my opinion of him. It did not destroy us but it made me mad that he did not have the confidence in me that I would be an understnding partner.
Jennifer Sikora says
Secrets definitely destroy a marriage. They almost destroyed mine, but we gave our issues to God and came clean with each other. Definitely a plus in my book! Thanks for sharing these tips.
Mama to 5 BLessings says
I try to tell my hubby everything – maybe too much of everything! LOL Thank you for your tips I find them so helpful!
Ashley M says
So true, we try not to even tell little white lies in our marriage. It’s a slippery slope.