Entrepreneurship is the growing “thing” for people especially couples who are desperately trying to make ends meet to provide for their spouse and kids. But what happens when you are not fully on board with your spouse entrepreneurial dreams?
Are you silently “killing your spouse business?”
Listen, about 10 years ago, I was killing my spouse dreams, his business & his spirit. Not intentionally but I was subconsciously doing it.
Why would I do that?
One word?
SCARED.
For him.
For me.
For us.
My husband has always had dreams of owning his own trucking company. When he would tell me his dream, I would cosign on it & talk with him. Because genuinely I wanted him to have everything he dreamed and more.
But…
My own limited thinking kept compressing his growth.
As he tried to grow, I would shrink in my support. I would come up with [selfish] reasons as to why right now wasn’t a good time.
I would share my fear of going without. Being homeless (I know that’s his biggest fear as a man: not providing housing for his family. So I would use that). I would even have the gall to tell him “a man can’t lead his home if he’s not here.”
Lies y’all! All LIES!
My own insecurities was stifling my husbands growth but also our growth as a couple.
I began to notice that he talked less & less to me about his dream of owning his own trucks.
I wondered why?
We always talked about everything.
So I asked him why he doesn’t talk about owning his own trucks anymore.
He said, “Because everytime I talked to you about it, you would shoot me down. I was tired of sharing & you talked negatively about what I wanted. So why bother.”
Whet?!
His words cut me deep.
His words were true but it hurt.
They hurt me because they were true & I was dead wrong.
How can I be his helpmate and supporter if all I did was belittle his dreams.
Whet?!
Why Pam are you being such an ass to your husband?
Why Pam are you afraid?
Haven’t he always taken care of you & provided?
Listen, I had to get my shit together because “slowly” I was killing my husband spirit and his respect for me.
Y’all know what would be next, right?
My marriage would begin to detoriate.
I was making my husband feel like shit.
He felt unsupported and unloved. And the most hurtful thing my husband felt was that I didn’t believe in him.
Aww hell naw! What have I done.
Instead of honestly and transparently talking to him and letting him know my true feelings and fears, I manipulated him.
You can imagine the impact this revelation had on me and the reality of the “support” I’ve been providing to my husband.
I was so focused on keeping him home and having the marriage of two people working a 9 to 5 & both coming home in the evenings that all my actions was inhibiting my connection to my spouse from growing deeper.
I thought if he just found the right local truck driving job, everything would be alright. He would stop wanting his own business.
But…that meant he would be settling. He would be silencing who he is for me.
That goes against everything I stand for.
Y’all know I’m the loudest to tell someone to STAY TRUE TO YOU™ and don’t forget to nuture YOU in your marriage.
And this goes with following your dreams.
How dare me to ask my husband to let go of his dreams just to satisfy my FEARS.
I was blaming him for the tension in the marriage & the unhappiness he exhibited but in reality, all of this was my fault.
I needed to take responsibility for my actions.
Now y’all know it’s easier to point fingers at others & pick out what they are not doing than it is to look inwards & check ourselves.
Well, let’s just say checkmate because I had to get myself in order if I wanted to keep this man.
If you find yourself hesitant to support your spouse entrepreneurial endeavors, implement these steps:
1. Acknowledge and articulate your fears. Speak in “I” statements.
2. Focus on YOU. Remember this new phase isn’t to ostracize you but to provide for the family. So as your spouse is trying to grow their business, it’s important that you find something that you love to do for YOU!
3. Date your spouse FREQUENTLY! It’s important during the unknown stages of starting a business that you guys stay connected. The business personality of your spouse will appreciate that you want to plan time with them. So put date nights/days on the calendar. Be intentional with dating your spouse.
4. Show interest! Your spouse will be excited about everything that’s happening in their business make sure you show genuine interest in what they share.
5. Remember if your spouse wins. You win! Remove the selfish tendency to sulk and nag because things are not like they were. Create a new normal for your marriage. Now you are the spouse of a business owner so act like it!
Helping your spouse feel connected, supported & loved will contribute to them aligning with their purpose and greatness; which in turn, will benefit your marriage.
Being a solopreneuer isn’t easy. Your spouse shouldn’t have stress in business and marriage. Make home a safe respected haven for them.
Home should be the place that provides them with the most comfort, relaxing, fun and supportive environment.
It’s your job as the spouse to make sure they receive everything they need at home to be GREAT and provide for the family the way they know how!
Don’t be the one thing that destroys your spouse business!
Take it from me: when you get out of your own head and trust God to take care of you & your spouse, you will be able to reap the benefits of having a entrepreneur for a spouse.
My husband is living his dream and I’m enjoying the 6 figure income that is taking care of us. (Something he would have never realized working for someone)
If you get nothing else from this post, I want you to get this: trust your spouse. Support your spouse. God got y’all. Enjoy building an empire together!
Kerri (The Maven) says
It takes a strong person to write about this fear. Supporting your spouse in following his dreams is a wonderful thing for your marriage. I’m proud of you!
Robin Masshole Mommy says
It’s wonderful that you are so supportive of your husband. Sounds like you guys are a strong couple.
Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle says
I love this post. I had the good fortune of having a husband who was more gung ho than afraid, but I did have a few relatives who made it difficult for me. They were just concerned, but it still hurt.
Jeanette says
My husband and I are trying to new venture together. It’s nothing major just something for us. We are both very excited about it and hoping that it will take off! I have always told my husband I will support him in whatever you choose to do. I think it is important to support your spouse.
Kristen Hewitt says
You know what? My husband does this to me, thanks for writing this!
Amy Desrosiers says
My husband has had a ton of dreams that I admittedly shot down due to being scared. I guess I should really support him in this department.
Kathy says
I think it’s great that you’re so supportive. That’s awesome that he’s able to work so hard for you guys. Sounds like you guys are so strong!
Alicia says
I agree that it is important to support your spouse’s dreams. I am so thankful that mine supported me and believed in me as I grew my blog business 🙂
Tonya says
My husband and I were both supportive in each others businesses. He started a fence company, but later decided it wasn’t for him. He had convinced me to start a cleaning company that I still have to this day and it’s going great! He’s my biggest supporter! 🙂
Crystal says
Opportunities are so different now than they used to be. It can seem impossible to make a living in a less than conventional way, but it’s obviously possible as you and your husband are proof! It may have taken time to get there, but it sounds like you guys are on the right path.
valmg @ Mom Knows It All says
It’s great that you two work well together and that his business is growing. Much continued success to you.
Stacey says
This is such great advice. It’s so important to maintain that communication and really be supportive of each other’s hopes and dreams in a relationship.
janis says
It’s really important to care about your spouse’s business and career. You should be supporting them, no matter what you think. It’s all about communication, and helping each other reach higher and higher goals.
Ann Bacciaglia says
It is so important to support your loved ones. I can understand how easy it would be to give negative feedback and not realize it.
LIz Mays says
I did that for years with my ex, and finally I realized it. That’s when he was able to open his own restaurant and I fully supported it.
Kelly Hutchinson says
I am on the other side of the coin here. My spouse is not into starting his own business, but he fully supports me in mine.
Still Dating My Spouse says
This is great Kelly