Here we go, men baiting single women against married women again. Over the weekend, Ciara shared a video meme of Pastor John Gray, he is a pastor at the mega church Lakewood in Houston, TX, discussing how single women should act if they want to get married. As y’all obviously know, I am a married woman and I am heated because of all the discussions on what women should do to become worthy of being chosen as a wife BUT where are all the video clips, the sermons, the dissertations and conferences telling men how to become a better man before becoming a husband? WHERE IS THE UPROAR FOR MEN TO BE WORTHY OF BEING CHOSEN AS A HUSBAND?
I WOULD EXPECT Pastor John Gray to spend more of his time and platform instructing me on how to be better men due to him being a husband and all.
We must stop this one sided show. The media, the world, and Christians wants us to believe that the man is the head and leader but no one is training these men for this oh so important role.
Girls are trained on how to be the perfect wife starting at birth. We are always told how a woman should act.
“Fix yourself up. A man doesn’t want a sloppy woman.”
“Learn how to cook. The way to a man’s heart is though his stomach.”
“Always look your best. A man wants a wife he would be proud to have on his arm.”
There are so many more of these subtle and not so subtle “teachings” that women are told or read about daily. Because if they don’t exhibit these traits they are not worthy of being a wife.
Let me help someone today: WOMEN ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. The problem is allowing men to enter into marriage with no one teaching them how to be faithful, loving, hardworking leaders of a family.
If John Gray, Steve Harvey, and anyone else will not consistently use their platform to help men become a better man before becoming a husband, I will.
A ‘wife’ is not the presence of a ring, it’s the presence of your character,” he said. “Ask the Lord to deliver you from that spirit [of ‘girlfriend’], and carry yourself like you’re already taken, and I promise you, when you carry yourself like a wife, a husband will find you.” ~ John Gray
Share this post with your single men so we can train them on the behaviors they need to have before even asking a woman to be their wife.
[bctt tweet=”The problem is allowing men to enter into marriage with no one teaching them how to be faithful, loving, hardworking leaders of a family. #SpouseDateChat #datingmyspouse” username=”datingmyspouse”]
Women are fed up. We are having to fight for equal pay. We are marching to be recognized as an equal and then to continue to be faced with you are not good enough or worthy unless you stop acting like a girlfriend and act like a wife, is TOO MERCH.
Why is it okay to ask a woman to have wife like qualities as a girlfriend but men are out here being douches and not displaying husband like qualities. Who is going to check the men? Let’s stop shaming women and put the shame (spotlight) on men.
There are simple things men can start doing today to make themselves worthy of a woman’s time and to get the opportunity to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage.
Here are 5 tips for single men to prepare for marriage:
1. Understand your mother shouldn’t be mothering you like she did when you were 7. Take care of your own laundry, bill paying, etc. Enjoy your mother on a grown man level instead of a little boy level.
2. Become financially fit. As the leader of a potential family, you have to understand how to prioritize the important things. That would include: paying house note, Car note, and all essential bills ON TIME + understanding the art of SAVING MONEY.
3. Learn how to cook and clean. These are no longer duties just for a wife. You should be able to help out around the house but most importantly, your future wife would love for you to cook her a meal, take care of the cleaning and helping with managing the kids.
4. Learn how to be emotionally intimate. Be able to articulate your feelings and ACCEPT support.
5. Learn the art of chivalry.
Being a good husband isn’t a given trait, it must be learned and the learning starts BEFORE MARRIAGE.
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There is a serious disconnect when pastors and celebrities talk about marriage and how men and women, “both”, play a part in the success and/or demise of the union. If men were beat over the head, figuratively speaking, with what they should, could, and need to do as a husband there wouldn’t be a need for a side chick basket business.
Instead of telling women to walk and act as a wife, tell men to be of high quality to become a husband. Let them know, the women of today expect better from men. We are not seeking to enter into a lifelong commitment with men that are ill equip to love us as Christ loved the church (see what I did there. I can use scripture to shame men, just as others are using scriptures to shame women). Women want a man that values her, their family and understands she is an equal and not just a cum sponge.
[bctt tweet=”Why is it okay to ask a woman to have wife like qualities as a girlfriend but men are out here being douches and not displaying husband like qualities. Who is going to check the men?” username=”datingmyspouse”]
Marriage is a wonderful commitment but only when both parties are aware of what it takes to serve their spouse, love their spouse, and maintain a healthy balance of individuality and togetherness.
So I challenge these mega preachers and anyone with a platform to give equality to your message when you are speaking to or counseling folks about marriage.
Remember, there’s no need to have a well-rounded woman worthy to be a wife, if the husband pool is full of childish and broken men.