Today, we witnessed President Barack Obama take the oath of office for the second time on Martin Luther King National holiday. In watching the inauguration and hearing the speech, I was just reminded of how we must work together in marriage just as President Obama is asking all in political office to work together.
Inauguration speech & marriage
President Obama mentioned that we are in a crisis and we all recognize the crisis. Well as married folks, we recognize the constant threat against marriages & the steady increase in divorces. The rising number of divorces is destroying families and communities. We must do our part in restoring the faith in marriage and the benefits marriage has on our communities. Our communities are made up of families and when families come under attack our communities come under attack.
As in the words of President Obama: “the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many.” If we ban together and take a stand of unity over conflict and discord. When we got married, our purpose is to become one unified force.
Oneness is necessary to fight off the enemy. We must bond together & build a solid foundation to help us fight off the enemy.
5 Ways to overcome conflict and discord
- Effective Communication: Learn your spouse language, not only their love language, but the way they comprehend and how they process the words you speak to them. You know if your spouse is a person of few words or a person that need a million words to get a true understanding. Communicate in a way to connect with your spouse not to put distance between you guys.
- Close the door to outsiders: Your marriage is your marriage. Leave everyone that is not the husband or the wife in your marriage out of your marriage.
- Threesome in Marriage: Remember to always include God as the head in your marriage.
- Walk away: When things get very heated decide to walk away from the heated discussion and resume once the atmosphere is calmer.
- Perception and perspective: Remember that you guys have your own perception and perspective so definitely remember that if your spouse does something you don’t like its only because of a misunderstanding not that they don’t love you.
President Obama words is perfect ending to this message:
In reaffirming the greatness of our nation [marriage], we understand that greatness [strong marital foundation] is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted – for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things – some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
Marriage is not for the faint at heart. It is not for the lazy or the selfish. Those of us that are in our marriage 100% understand and appreciate the hard-work we put in because we will reap the rich rewards of marriage.
The source of our confidence is knowing that we have a partner in life that will support us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. With just knowing that, we forge ahead loving our spouse and fighting to build strong families for our kids and communities.
Shelley Webb says
After 20 years of marriage, I walked away from mine. It was a huge mistake and one that I wish I could take back. Our marriage wasn’t good and my husband was controlling but what I was too selfish to realize at the time was the effect that it had on “the family unit”. Once you are divorced, there is never again a family….a larger scope of “oneness”. It’s shattered forever.
Please keep writing on this subject. It’s incredibly important.
~ Shelley
Corinna says
I totally agree that you need to close the door to outsiders. Of course, I sometimes ask friends how they solved problems (eg. who does the laundry), but never discuss deep, personal issues. Stopping by from UBC.
Mark A. Michael says
No doubt lack of effective communications is a big reason I’m divorced today.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Corinna,
Yep you know we will definitely reach out to our friends to see how they handled something but their opinions should NEVER be the reasoning behind our actions toward our spouse.
Thanks for stopping by.
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse says
Shelley,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I wrote a post about Love is not Selfish that addresses exactly what you are talking about.
Selfishness will destroy marriages and we must be aware of any selfish tendencies & put them to rest.
Thanks for stopping by,
Pamela
Jeff Mere says
Pamela, GREAT article. My wife and I are working on our 23rd year; there have been some things that take out most couples but Thank God we had Him in our relationship. We committed to this for the long haul and bringing children into the world only strengthened that commitment. Your tips are right one! Hopefully we as a nation can begin to recommit to one another, to our neighbors and to what we as a nation once stood for! Thanks for sharing!
Sabrina says
I always admire his deep and heartfelt love for his wife. That is beautiful. With the right partner I think you can grow that that kind of love…but I know many people don’t find a love that deep. But it’s out there!
Still Dating My Spouse says
Jeff,
Congrats on 23 years of marriage. Yes you have to make it your goal never to give up and remove divorce from any options for your marriage.
Pamela
Sharon says
We tell our kids all the time that we are family – so even if we disagree we have a love and commitment to our marriage and family unit!
Diane @ Me, Him And The Cats says
I agree with closing the door to outsiders. Its ok to confide in a friend, but they shouldn’t know every detail of what is going on in your relationship. There needs to be a trust between you and your partner!
Jennifer Williams says
I told my husband before we got married that I only believe in divorce for two reasons – abuse or being unfaithful. If either of these happen the person was never worth my time in the first place. He and I both agree with that and I know it would never happen. All the rest is just the details and can be worked out together. I am a better person because of him and he feels the same about me, we are truly blessed.
Dawn says
I am proud to say that I voted for Obama for the 2nd time. 🙂
Dawn
Shayla Burks says
I truly believe that social media comes between a lot of couples. Every time I am scrolling down my facebook feed and see a wife telling the stuff that her husband did, I cringe. Not everyone needs to know that you’re frustrated with your husband for him not doing the dishes for the last week…
I just agree with everything in this post.
Alyssa McVey (Giveaway Overload) says
Leaving others outside is SO important. My mom told me when I got married that when I had problems with my husband to NEVER tell her because she would always hold a grudge against the man who hurt her baby even when it was resolved. It’s no one’s business.
Meghan @ Crazy Casa K says
What a great way to look at the presiden’ts speech! Communication is so key. I love your advice 🙂
Jasmine says
Indeed, marriage is NOT for the faint of heart.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Thanks Meghan!
Sabrina says
Spouses and God walking together.
Brandi says
This is a great post. I especially love #4. These are great tips for folks (like myself) who are not yet married, but hope to be one day.
Janeane Davis says
Thanks for sharing this good article on marriage and reminding people some of the things it takes to make a marraige strong. For me the most important was that people in marriage need to give 100 percent, not the 50/50 amatuers talk about. People who really want marriage to work understand that it takes 100/100.
MELISASource says
Marriage is not for the faint of hear –at all!!! Totally agree!!!
Amiyrah says
I needed to read this today. I’ve had a tiring day, and my husband worked overtime all day today, so we are both feeling some kind of way. We also have a date night tonight and I think we need to put things into perspective beforehand. I’m going to re-read this to him now and we can talk about it.
Arelis Cintron (@DjRelAt7) says
Truth!