We are always told that there will be moments in our life that we will never forget. We may try to forget them but a song, a food, a saying or even a smell will bring that moment in time back to your mind, heart and spirit.
-Watching our favorite shows. I still haven’t watched Blacklist. I probably will never know what happened to Red. Some things, need to stay exactly how they were before May 15, 2018.
-Any song by Big Daddy Kane and the funny thing is, I never heard so many BDK songs before my husband passed away.
People keep saying to me that “time heals all wounds!” That’s the biggest lie that is said with good intentions. Time isn’t a salve. Time isn’t a medical procedure. Time isn’t a pain med. Time is a measurement of events. The events over the last year have been hard.
365 days ago, we were planning on moving into our new condo in Nashville, TN. My husband was starting a new job on that following Monday. Everything was lining up for us to live our best married life, to date.
But……“time heals all wounds!” That’s the biggest lie that is said with good intentions. Click To Tweet
For some reason, we weren’t given the chance to live our best married life!
Over the last year, I’ve had to lean heavily on what I knew about God and how He operates. I really had to dig deep, and I’m still digging deep, to let go of the anger I had (have) about the passing of my beloved husband.
Over the last year, I’ve had to come to terms that many equated my worth based on my marital status. The connections and friends “we” had died on May 15, 2018. They just don’t know what to do with me as a widow. That’s a hard pill to swallow because I’m still PAMELA KING.
Over the last year, I’ve had to understand just how much my husband was the glue that kept me together. I’m falling apart slowly each day. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t need his guidance, his touch, his calmness, or even to hear him say “Sweet P everything will be just fine!”
I know you truly believe that time heals all wounds.
May 15, 2018: my heart, mind, soul broke into a million pieces and it was painful.
May 15, 2019: my heart, mind, soul is still broken and it is more painful now because reality have set in. He’s never coming home.
The struggle to get life back on track is real and very hard. Some days are a breeze but there are those days and weeks and months that grief just grabs hold of me and there’s no escaping.
Trying to navigate a world that doesn’t understand how hard it is to put life back together after the death of a spouse is even harder.
Time isn’t healing my wound. It’s allowing me to place different events in the space that was once occupied by Stephon and I. Now the spaces/events are only occupied by me.
My wound is still here and always will be; however, time is still happening.
And that, my friend, is hard….