It’s not easy to tell if your marriage needs relationship help although others may notice it long before you. TheFreeDictionary.com defines unbreakable as impossible to break; able to withstand rough usage. This is exactly what couples pray/wish/hope and wish for in their marriage.
We are consistently seeing couples famous and not so famous struggling to keep their marriage vibrant and healthy.
So just what happened? What causes marriages to breakdown? Why are some marriages notwithstanding the rough [stages]?
Many of us know what the media wants us to know who Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are. They are a celebrity couple: he a retired NBA player & she a socialite from the famed Kardashian clan. They married over 4 years ago and in today’s standards for celebrity marriages, their marriage was UNBREAKABLE. They even described their marriage as unbreakable and it looked like they would be able to withstand the rough stages; however, that wasn’t the case for them and many marriages.
Good Read: Open Letter to Kanye and Kim
They seemed, just like many marriages, to have it all together & happy. Having married your soul mate, your BFF, your lifetime partner, these should be happy times. Every day you spend with your spouse, brings a smile to your face. This is exactly what Lamar & Khloe demonstrated each time they were photographed. So what happened?
What causes a marriage to breakdown?
There are so many reasons a marriage [breaks]. First and foremost, a marriage must begin with a solid foundation. From what I know of their marriage, their foundation wasn’t solid. Their union was started from lies and deceit. Lamar entered into a relationship with Khloe while still in a relationship.
People, you must close one door before you enter into a new one.
[Tweet “Marriage is not about mess. If you start your relationship or marriage with mess, mess will follow you”]
Ok, sorry I digress….back to what would make a marriage breakdown:
- Ineffective communication: When marriages lack effective communication, the walls of the marriage are destroyed. [Effective] Communication is the glue that binds the marriage. Without effective communication, the husband and wife begin to work on an “individual” agenda instead of working together on the marriage agenda.
- Neglecting your partner: Your spouse should be your #1 priority (of course behind God). If you fail to be a service to your spouse needs, then you are being a service to either your OWN needs or someone else’s needs. Don’t allow a person, place, or thing to replace the attention you give to your spouse. Either way, the marriage will not survive if there is any form of neglect (mentally, physically, spiritually, and/or sexually).
- Not having a good balance: In marriage, you are working as a team and becoming one but you must have a good balance of your voice being heard & it must be respected in the dynamics of the marriage. Marriage is not one-sided; instead it should have a great mixture of you and your spouse. If you enter your marriage wanting to be the dictator, your marriage will break. Authoritarian marriage will seldom result in a happy healthy solid marriage. Remember you guys are in it together!
In Khloe & Lamar case, their marriage is breaking due to the “neglect” part. Lamar has decided that something else drugs is more important than his wife. Whenever, you allow something or someone other than your spouse to consume your time, you are deciding that your spouse is not important.
Good Read: 5 Facts About Marriage Everyone Should Know
As a spouse, we do all we can to keep, honor and support our spouse and I will venture out to say that Khloe has attempted to do just that. She didn’t run at the first sign of trouble. She didn’t run when he went missing for a time or two. She didn’t run when the first notice of infidelity hit. She should be commended for this because most would have packed up & ran at the first sign of trouble.
Marriage is about working through the rough patches. Sticking with your spouse when they are at their lowest; however, when your life or health is in danger, you have to make a prayerful decision about your marriage.
I don’t know if Khloe is spiritual but I would say she explored all avenues to support & get her husband the help he needs. As many of you know I am pro-marriage, so I was one of the ones that wanted them to work through the issues; however, I am also one that understands that when you have done all you can, you have to love them enough to let go!
At this point, we can only pray for Lamar & Khloe & all marriages that are seeking to have an unbreakable marriage but for some reason or another their marriage is breaking.
One thing we do know, it’s not the institution of marriage that is broken, instead the people who enter the marriage covenant that are the broken pieces.
Watch the video Lamar & Khloe did over a year ago about their cologne fragrance: Unbreakable.
What are your thoughts…..Please share below in comments!
Nancy Bobbert says
It is so sad that yet another marriage is coming to an end. It seems harder and harder to keep a marriage together. I feel badly for them both. I hope they can move on and heal from the hurt quickly.
Meghan @JaMonkey says
These are all so true. We’ve been in thearpy for some of the same reasons.
The Mom Jen says
I watch this show and was heartbroken, saw what he went through with his dad and then did the same thing. Communication is SO important before things escalate! Great article!
Marysa says
Those are good points. My husband and I have been through a lot, our our marriage has endured a lot.
Ldwiltz@gmail.com says
This post is so true! I think my husband and I are the only continuous married younger couple in our families. I think the main reason is because we keep our business between US. And try to make each other a priority. It’s not easy and we don’t always succeed, but we make an effort!
Erin @ The Speckled Palate says
This post is really hitting close to home, Pamela, because we’ve had now two sets of friends either separate or divorce within the last month, and it has me reflecting on my own marriage and what we’re doing to support one another, raise one another up, find balance and communicate the most effectively.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this and encouragement. It’s sad to see marriages fall apart, and it makes me want to strive to keep mine together and flourishing.
Mistee Dawn says
I think it so sad that their marriage has collapsed. I agree that I think she tried all that she could. But we will never really know what happened.
Alyssa McVey says
I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to keep it together while in the public eye. The realities of marriage don’t change, however, and the basic keys to keeping it together are the same no matter who you are. It’s so sad to see marriages fall apart.
Sharon says
These are some good reminders to work hard on marriage.
Grace Hodgin says
I always hate to see people end a marriage and was hoping they could work together to make their relationship a strong one.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Me to Grace……
Still Dating My Spouse says
Mistee,
Absolutely! Thats with any relationship, we never know what exactly happened.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Erin,
It hurts me when I see marriages end as well. It definitely make you take a good look at how you are operating in your marriage. Stay prayerful and mindful of what you should be doing in your marriage.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Lashawn,
It is so important to keep your marriage business to yourselves…I commend you guys on doing that successfully.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Yes Jen, effective communication is so important.
Megan says
How true! Your three reason while marriages fail seem spot on to me. And they are areas where we can all spend some time working on to make our marriages even better!
Kathleen Kennedy-Leon says
In today’s society there is so much judgement and so many expectations-its really hard to see past all of that to work on what’s REALLY important the relationship with your other half. People are so much more important than things.
Amber Edwards says
What a great article! it is so true; all the key points. Marriage needs all three points and without them; it will just fall. I love the tweets at the end too. Especially “it’s not the institution of marriage that is broken, its the people”! It’s so true! Marriage is beautiful and well designed. It’s not broken. only those that are in it and not doing it right.
brett says
i think too often people don’t work on relationship anymore. they just kind of toss them away. it’s sad.
Leona Martin says
Great article! I truly believe to have a great marriage communication and finding that time to spend with your spouse is very important.
Danette says
Very interesting- thanks for sharing!
Mama to 5 BLessings says
it’s sad how these Hollywood stars marry and divorce so quickly. So much drama! I am so glad and blessed to have such a husband with no drama! LOL!
Jennifer Williams says
I do not keep up on celebrities and had never heard of the gentlemen in this post. I agree on entering with honestly and a solid foundation of sorts. My husband and I did not know each other long when we got married, we just knew. Not saying we do not have our ups and downs but we are solid. Maybe with counseling they could fix whatever is broken, I am not sure if it is possible to love and trust when you are built on lies, hopefully if they have kids it is possible.
GossipMoms says
yea, you would have to trust each other, marriages are hard but once you get through that first five years it usually sticks for a while. But getting a divorce is hard & I hope they heal overtime, and continue to heal
Jeanette says
To bad that they don’t manage to stick together:-/
Fabulous Perks says
I will definitely share this post. Very good points!
http://fabulousperks.blogspot.com
Dawn ~ Spatulas On Parade says
Great article and if I thought it would help, I’d send it to my dh. I agree with what you said whole heartily.
Wood Arts Universe says
I feel bad when I see marriages end .. Great article!!!
Jessica Hehir says
We just attend a beautiful wedding and I was thinking how much my husband and I have changed since we said “I Do.” Marriage is so different from the romance of a wedding. We talk and LISTEN more than we did back then. For us marriage is the commitment to find away to make our lives work together– for the long haul.
Jennifer Clay says
I really liked them together and I was hoping they would work it out! But we don’t know what happens behind closed doors. My husband and I have been working on our communication skills with each other. There are times I feel like I can’t do it anymore, but you have to work through the problems to get to the good times.
Carla says
Balance is so important! And your right you should never put something before your spouse. Beautiful post and reminder to married couples
Kim says
Good read! I have all my own theory’s around marriage!
Danielle @ We Have It All says
I think both communication and neglect are both big ones. I really do think that neglect plays a big role. We need to put the other one first in marriage and respect them. That is lacking now-a-days.
Malia says
I hope they are able to work things out!
jenny at dapperhouse says
I know that my marriage is unbalanced but in the beginning I accepted it so I cant expect my man to change because I am tired of it 🙂 And communication has ALWAYS been an issue with us. WE could really use some help i guess? LOL 🙁
Candy Hoehn says
oh wow. this is so sad.
Sarah Bailey says
I’m not married but this was certainly very interesting to read it’s so sad that so many relationships breakdown. I hope one day to follow in my parents footsteps when it comes to marriage they really do seem unbreakable.x
Jayne Townsley says
I like Khloe. Unlike the rest of the clan, I see something very vulnerable in her. More real, maybe?
I was sad to hear about Khloe and Lamar.
Kesha Brown says
Yes! I can’t stress enough how important EFFECTIVE communication is in any relationship – whether it’s a marriage, familial, or business. Communication, or lack thereof, makes or breaks all types of relationships everyday. You sound like me writing this post girl! 🙂
Still Dating My Spouse says
You are so right…effective communication is important in any relationship. Thanks hun!
Elizabeth says
In a throwaway culture, why fight for a relationship? It’s not how I run my marriage, but it’s symptomatic of a larger problem.
Jayda says
This makes me sad. Everyone deserves true love.
Still Dating My Spouse says
How encouraging that you have positive role models…..
Still Dating My Spouse says
Jenny,
Work on how you communicate (respond & talk to your husband). Changes can only happen when we make changes within ourselves.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Yes so very true…We are all about SELF and what we can get instead of thinking of our spouse needs over ours.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Exactly Jennifer….don’t give up or give in…
Still Dating My Spouse says
Jessica,
You are so right…we change as we age & the longer we stay married we are not the same people we were when we got married. It is a “commitment)…..thanks for your comment
Still Dating My Spouse says
Yes divorce is hard on all involved….
Still Dating My Spouse says
It is very sad…..we are in a “whats in it for me” society now. And when we don’t get it we move on to the next….
Jennifer Brown says
I’m happy to say, I am in love with my husband, I think open communication is key.
Jenn says
Great article! I agree with you. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly but a journey with both positive and negative times. Communicaiton is number one! You need to be open and honest in order for it to survive!
thesellerfrank says
I just got married a month ago, thanks for this useful article, I will re-read this one. thanks
Sharelle D. Lowery says
I am all about this post!! I had to tweet it because it was sooo powerful! I just decided to step out of a dysfunctional relationship and ALL of these factors WERE in place!!…Thank you for sharing this!!
Ashley M says
So normally I’m not into celebrity gossip but I was truly sad to see the split of Lamar and Khloe only because they seemed like the real deal. Unfortunately, too many marriages are ending in divorce these days and while I don’t think it’s good to stay together for the sake of being together, a marriage is work. It takes commitment and you should be invested enough to give it everything you have.
Cara @ Craftdictator says
This is such a great post! Thanks for sharing!
Maria says
So true!! My marriage is so important to me that its the one relationship we tackle first. I know my kids should come first but when we work on our relationship, our kids have a better life because of that outcome. So sad for them
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says
I think celebrities rush too quickly into marriage for some reason, so honestly, when they break up I’m not really surprised. It’s so sad.
katherine says
I hate seeing marriages break up
Debi says
Communication is key. I think it can make all the difference.
Chantal says
Marriage is sacred
Sherrie W. says
it’s not the institution of marriage that is broken, its the people #SDMS – I couldn’t agree more! I love your style, tips, and image examples 🙂
Still Dating My Spouse says
Thanks Sherrie
Still Dating My Spouse says
Thank you Sharelle for sharing!
Caroll says
I don’t know those two personally, but from what I saw I really liked them together. Specifically, I loved how they protected each other and clung to each other. They put no one before their marriage. Drug abuse is a disease that renders it’s victim incapable of making sound, solid, decision in so many ways. They are impaired in more ways than one. I believe that is the culprit here. Typically I am not one who cares much about celebrities and their relationship ups and downs but those two got my attention because of how they jumped right in and at least for a time seemed as happy as anyone could be.
paula says
I find it very sad that so many marriages end in divorce, people are not willing to work as a team and commit to their marriage.
Robin says
Interesting
Michelle says
Well when you throw Crack into the situation things tend to go left. Lamar should have if he didn’t, face his demons regarding his children, his father, and a plan B if he couldn’t play basketball. When They met she came in and tried to help him.
One must know that drugs will change you, depression, self worth all of those things played a part in this man doing drugs possibly. If people could actually choose what’s more important. I would have the flood of foster kids that come in my house because their parents are too addicted to drugs. Some parts of this article are a little naive.
Denise Gabbard says
I think too many people go into marriages nowadays with the idea that if it doesn’t “work out” they will just walk away. I think if you love somebody enough to marry them, you should be able to work almost anything out between you. (Yes…been married a long time! 33 years…to my high school sweetheart.)
GossipMoms says
Its crazy how people get married a few month later they divorce, I wish marriages wouldn’t fall apart but they do.
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
I think so many people are quick to give up this day in age. It’s sad really because so many people break up over minor issues. It’s not always easy, but nothing in life is, right?
Eileen says
When marriages fall apart, it is always the children who are the victims. My marriage ended in separation (we have no divorce laws in the Philippines) and although the kids were not very vocal about it, I feel they have been affected some way or another. My only wish is for my children to have successful marriages when the time comes. Thank you for sharing. I love reading your posts.
Becky Lyons Borgia says
Great article, as always. I always look forward to reading your posts. So in tune with my thinking. I again tweeted all of your key quotes!
brett says
i’m not “up” on celebs but i do 100000% agree with you about ending one relationship before starting another. and really, if you are thinking of going outside your current relationship, END IT before starting fresh. it’s not fair to anyone to lie and cheat.
Wood Arts Universe says
The best way to stop divorce is to change yourself: ask what YOU can do to improve the situation . There are no ‘quick fixes’ to saving a dying marriage: begin the real process of stopping divorce by putting into place building blocks for a healthy and long-lasting marriage
Ronnie says
So, so true. These were the exact problems I had with my ex.. he had more important things to worry about than me, and we too started a relationship when he was still in another one (unbeknownst to me)
Ashley M says
I don’t think our marriage is perfect and at times one area suffers but overall I would have to say that we don’t have these problems on a regular basis.
Joanna Sormunen says
Yes, it is sad when a marriage brokes and it’s true the institution isn’t broken. We are broken and not many people have the patience to fix things anymore. It’s easier and faster to get another toy and go on with your life.
Curby Aardvark says
I’m single as of now but I can see what you mean; communication is really important in a relationship and without it then the relationship is doomed to fail without a doubt.
Jenn says
I think there are two things wrong with todays society and marriage. 1) Lack of communication. Without it, there is no real solid bond. You have to be able to talk about EVERYTHING with your mate. 2) People give up to easily and its too easy to get out of marriage.
Pauline C. says
I honestly love your blog, you give tons of useful tips. Though I’m not married, I still can relate and can use your advice with my future spouse. I agree with all your reasons why marriage won’t survive especially #2, it’s the same reason why my relationship didn’t work out with my last ex-boyfriend.
Samantha Cuhel says
I don’t know what I think about their marraige. They seemed so great together and then -BOOM- he’s doing drugs and spreading rumors about the family. Crazy…
Still Dating My Spouse says
It was crazy wasn’t it Samantha but drugs would make you crazy.
Still Dating My Spouse says
Thanks Pauline!
Still Dating My Spouse says
I must agree….